


Of Nightmares and New Beginnings

by Magnox7



Category: Zoids (Anime & Toys)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24117523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnox7/pseuds/Magnox7
Summary: The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.
Relationships: Raven/Reese
Kudos: 7





	1. On The Run

* * *

They were traveling together, for the time being, at least. The Geno Breaker made its way across the desert terrain, with a few gears clunking here and there, and sparks of electricity shooting from damaged parts of the red zoid, particularly from the now missing X-Breaker Claw that was destroyed by one of the Geno Saurers they fought. The fight against Hiltz and the Death Saurer had taken its toll, and there was no government, no military to help them recover. They were wanted fugitives after all. It was a small respite that the Guardian Force was also licking their wounds after the battle, allowing them to get a head start before being hunted down and arrested.

  
So they left, while they still had the chance, while everyone else was cleaning up the aftermath of what would have been the beginning of an era of destruction and death. Even though they did their part in saving the planet, they knew it would not be enough atonement for all their past crimes. It would not be enough for all the death and destruction they themselves have caused, the pain and the loss they have inflicted throughout the years. Not to mention both their instrumental work and participation in the revival of the Death Saurer.

  
All that is left for them now is to run, and maybe, in time, to piece themselves back together. For now, they have to travel as far away from the battle as they can. However, given that the Geno Breaker is badly damaged, and Raven and Shadow are both exhausted from the battle, they will not make it very far. Shadow can no longer fuse with the zoid’s core, having depleted the very last of his energy to fuel the particle blasts that broke through the Death Saurer’s shield. It also doesn’t help that the black-haired pilot refuses to let her take over, stubbornly staying on the controls while vainly trying to hide his own exhaustion and injuries.

  
He still doesn’t seem to completely trust her, or perhaps he is too proud, too guarded to allow any situation out of his control. In any case, she understands, and she doesn’t expect anything else from him. She has gotten to know him better these past few weeks after all, truly starting to understand him. It is one thing to know his past, but it is another thing to be saved by him, to be cared for by him, to be worried about him, and, dare she say it, to be terrified of losing him. It doesn’t seem too long ago that all he was to her was someone who merely amused her. His ruthlessness in battle, his rebellious, albeit somewhat immature nature, coupled with an unrelenting ego and legendary piloting skills made him quite the spectacle to observe. He was also intriguing to her, the way he was driven by anger, hatred, and vengeance from a past he didn’t even remember. She didn’t exactly know when she started caring for him the way she does now. If she had to guess, it would be after they had a psychic link, when she revealed his memories to him.

  
She had held nothing back in the revelation, putting her psychic powers to the test as she navigated through his mental defenses to find and gather the repressed memories of his mind. It is amazing what the mind can do to protect the psyche, and what she did not expect during the encounter was for his will to push back against her as strongly as it did. She doesn’t know how much insight into her own mind he was able to get, but something changed in their relationship after that. He seemed…more curious of her, less hostile even and she was surprised by him. Instead of his memories fuelling his hatred and violence like she expected, he showed mercy and restraint when he didn’t kill Van Flyheight. Her surprise has turned into awe since then, perhaps even admiration for him.

  
Reese is jolted from her musings as the subject of her thoughts started slumping over in his seat in front of her. “Raven?” she called out to him, frowning when she didn’t get a response. Raven only slumps over even further. She immediately leans over to catch him from falling on the controls, her other hand disengaging her safety harness. Once free, she reaches for the controls, pulling back on the lever to stop the zoid. Raven is unconscious. “Specula!” she calls to the blue-organoid, knowing that Shadow is still regaining his strength. Specula immediately fuses with the Geno Breaker, sensing the urgency in her master’s voice. “Take us somewhere safe, somewhere hidden.” she instructs her organoid telepathically.

  
Specula engages the terrain scanner, and upon sensing canyons nearby, she immediately maximizes the booster levels and directs the zoid westward. Reese assesses Raven’s condition, having received basic medical training during her time in the Imperial Army. If there was one thing Prozen was good for, it was making sure that every single soldier in his army was well-rounded and useful to him.

  
He is still breathing, at least, though his breathing is labored and shallow, with every drawn breath causing a pained look on his face. However, she can’t properly gauge the extent of his injuries in this cramped cockpit. Thankfully, Specula was quick to find a spot for them to camp, hidden from plain sight and surrounded by tall canyons to hide the Geno Breaker.

  
Specula lands the Geno Breaker, slowly powering down its boosters. She opens the cockpit and extends the seats down to ground level so they can carefully get off. Shadow is on their side, helping Reese carry Raven by grabbing the pilot’s shoulder pad in his mouth, being careful not to tear it and accidentally drop his master. They slowly set him down on the ground, watchful not to aggravate his injuries. Specula catches up to them, having taken out the bag of camping supplies from the storage compartment.

  
Reese ruffles through the supplies, obtaining a sleeping mat and spreading it out on the ground before carefully maneuvering Raven to rest on it. She folds up a cloak as a makeshift pillow and gently puts it under his head. She examines him. His breathing is still strained; his shallow and pained inhalations indicate that he may have suffered a ribcage injury. She starts to remove his top clothes to assess the damage, hoping that he did not have a broken rib. After removing his gloves and his military jacket, she notices a darker spot on his black undershirt. It was dried blood that had soaked his shirt. It wasn’t an alarming amount, thankfully, but she mentally takes note of a possible flesh wound on his lower right torso.

  
She retrieves a canteen of water, and pours some of it onto the spot, before carefully peeling the cloth away from his skin. She found the cut on his torso, about 3 inches long. The water had helped loosen the dried blood soaking the shirt, making it easier to detach from the skin without aggravating the wound and reopening it. The cut was smooth, and has already closed up. She gently stretches the skin around the cut, testing to see if it would reopen with simple movement. When the skin stayed together, she deems that the cut is shallow enough that it does not need stiches. She would still need to disinfect and bandage it, of course.

  
She continues to remove his shirt, as she still needed to see what other injuries he sustained from the fight that needed immediate attention. When she finally finished removing his undershirt, she gasped upon seeing the bruises all over his body. She couldn’t believe it. He must have been under tremendous agony. They’ve been travelling for hours, and not a word of complaint.

  
“You stubborn man…” she thought, as her eyes welled up with tears. She shook her head to clear her thoughts; she needed to focus. He has bruises everywhere; on his arms and shoulders, on his collars where the safety harness dug into him, on his abdomen and chest from getting slammed around in the cockpit, and also from when he took a beating from Shadow after the organoid’s rebirth. Upon seeing the bruises, the black organiod let out a low mechanical whimper, feeling guilty for having hurt him. “Don’t worry about it, Shadow. He’s just really happy you’re back”, she said comfortingly, trying to reassure the organoid. Specula hummed her support, and then went back to keep watch, staying on high alert. Shadow just lies down dejectedly.

  
She notices a large, deep purple bruise on the left side of his ribcage. She gently runs her fingers along his ribs, trying to feel for any misalignments or abnormality in their rigidity. Fortunately, there were none, but they would have to be careful not to put any pressure on those ribs. They may not be broken, but they could still be fractured and susceptible to displacement.

  
Next, she examines his head for any bruising, and upon lifting his hair from his forehead, she finds one on his right temple. She also discovers another gash that was previously covered under his hair. The same type of smooth cut as the one on his torso, only this one was about a third smaller. Both were most likely from shards of glass that had cut him during all of that chaos. However, the bruising on his temple is more worrisome. She gently pries open his right eye, noting the dilation diameter of his pupil. She compares it to his left eye, and notices that the right eye is just ever so slightly more dilated than the left. This confirms her suspicion that he has a mild concussion. It would explain the sudden loss of consciousness, although that may also be combined with extreme exhaustion.

  
She searches the supplies again for anything she could use to treat his wounds, and is glad to find a first-aid kit. It surprises her that a seemingly reckless maverick like Raven would actually use a first-aid kit. “Ah…never mind.” she thinks to herself, as she opens the Imperial Army standard-issue first-aid kit with all the items still present, unused.

  
She starts by cleaning up his torso, using a damp cloth to wipe away the dried blood. She then disinfects the cut with antiseptic, being careful not to reopen the wound. This process would normally be painful, but there was no response from the unconscious pilot. She finishes up by bandaging the wound, adding the protective layer to prevent it from getting dirty and contaminated.

  
She repeats the process for the cut on his forehead, and by the time she was done, it was starting to get dark. She can’t really do anything about the rib injury and the concussion. His body needs to rest and recover on its own, and she can only hope that he did not sustain any serious internal injuries. She sighs, trying to keep her worry and anxiety for the pilot in check. Instead, she now focuses on setting up camp for the night. She retrieves a small electric lamp and turns it on; the light barely making a difference. She also needs to find a way to keep him warm, as the desert nights can get very cold. A campfire would produce too much smoke, which was not helpful for Raven who is already having some difficulty breathing, not to mention it may also give away their position to anyone who may be looking for them.

  
She decides to forego the fire, deeming the risk of being spotted too great. She opts instead to set up a wedge tent on the spot where Raven was sleeping, that way she did not have to disturb his rest. When she finished the tent, she rummages for blankets. The tent provided a bit of shelter from the cold elements, but it would not be enough to keep him warm. She finds a large blanket, big enough to fit the both of them. She folds the blanket lengthwise in half, so to be able to use two layers to gently cover Raven’s sleeping form up to his neck. She lays his jacket on him as well, just to provide more warmth.

  
She is suddenly interrupted by Specula’s growl, and senses her organoid call out to her. She exits the tent and goes to her organoid, who was growling in the direction of the canyon entrance. She frowns, and closes her eyes to focus. She senses two zoids in the distance, moving at high speeds, probably flying types. No wonder they caught up to them this quickly.

  
She moves further towards the canyon entrance, followed closely by Specula. Raven and Shadow are both resting. They must not get spotted now, not when they are vulnerable. She is glad to have followed her instinct in not making that fire. It would have been like a lighthouse in the dark night in this sea of sand.

  
She looks out to the desert, and spots the two Redlers in the distance, most likely Imperial, their forms slightly illuminated by the moon. They were heading south, the direction they themselves were heading to earlier, before Raven collapsed. Their movement is consistent and continuous. They don’t seem to have spotted them or followed their tracks. They are likely just following their last known heading.

  
Reese and Specula apprehensively watch the two zoids in the distance, keeping a close eye on their direction and if they started coming their way. After some time, they disappeared into the distance. They both wait a while longer, until they could no longer sense their presence.

  
Reese breathes out a sigh she didn’t know she was holding. “That was too close”, she communicates to Specula, who softly hummed in agreement. They both walk back to the campsite, glad to have avoided the conflict. Reese could not help but feel uneasy, however, as they could still potentially circle back and search their area.

  
“Specula?” she calls to her organoid. “Are you okay to take first watch?” she asked her, as she stroked Specula’s muzzle. Specula grunts obediently, and lightly nudges Reese towards the tent, silently telling her to get some rest.

  
Reese slowly walked toward the tent as Specula went back to keep watch. Raven was still, resting in the center. The tent was barely large enough to fit the both of them. She could lie down next to him, but it would be a bit cramped, and she did not want to accidentally disturb an injured man. She decides to sit in a corner of the tent by the entrance, wrapping her arms around her knees, trying to get warm. She rests her head on top of her knees and looks at Raven. He wasn’t shivering, which was a good sign, and his pained expression, though still present, is not as pronounced as it was before. Her eyes slowly drifted shut, her unease slowly overwhelmed with exhaustion as she fell asleep.


	2. Soft Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

He’s comfortable. And warm. He can’t remember a time ever feeling this… _cozy_. Where was he? The last thing he remembers was fighting a battle…Did he _die_?

No, that can’t be right. He remembers winning…against that bastard Hiltz…and he won with _Flyheight_ of all people. It makes sense, he guessed. He’s the only other pilot on Zi who was somewhat competent.

But now what? Did he get captured? Did Shadow get captured? Oh no…He needs to get out of here…he needs to get Shadow back. He tries to focus his mind on waking up, but it was like wading through a thick fog. His head just felt… _heavy_. But he was determined. He had just gotten Shadow back, and he will not lose him again.

He fights through his foggy mental state, until he slowly opens his eyes. It was dark. He tries to look around. He wasn’t in a prison cell… prison cells are never _this_ comfortable. He seems to be inside a tent. _Well, that’s good news_. He notices a figure huddled in a corner. _Shadow?_ No, too small to be Shadow. He tries to move, but his body is just so… _exhausted_.

 _Okay, one at a time._ He tries to move his right arm, and gets ready to prop himself up. But when he does, he grunts in pain. His side hurts, his arms hurt, his head...just _everywhere_ hurts. “ _Ow…yep, I’m no longer comfortable_ ” he thought, as he gently sets himself back down.

His movements seem to have awoken the figure by the corner. “Raven?” it said. He recognized that voice…he tries to call her. “R-…R-Reese”, he said, his voice raspy and barely above a whisper. _Well, that was pathetic_. It got her attention anyway, and she carefully crawled over to him. He is met with soft green eyes. He blinks up at her. _Have her eyes always been green..?_

“Sh-Shadow…” he says, still concerned where his best friend is. “He’s right outside. He’s resting, too” she replied. _That’s a relief._ “Here”, she says as she opens a canteen and holds it out for him. “It’ll help your throat,” she added when he didn’t react. He takes the canteen, and tries to hold his head up to take a drink. She helps him, supporting his head and the canteen as he drank. She was right, the water was _amazing_. He hungrily drank the water, finishing the canteen too quickly, causing him to start coughing. And it _hurt_. _Again_.

“Easy” she said, putting the canteen aside. Her worried eyes watching him as he finally stopped coughing. “Go back to sleep, it’s still a few more hours to sunrise”, she said as she helps him settle back down.

He doesn’t argue. The coughing fit seems to have taken all the energy out of him. His head was getting heavy again, the fog starting to come in. As he felt himself slowly drift away, he feels a blanket getting put on him, and gentle hands re-adjust whatever his head was resting on. “ _So warm… and comfy_ ” he thought, as he drifted off to sleep, dreaming about soft green eyes.


	3. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

When Raven had woken up during the night, she was surprised, and also incredibly relieved. He had seemed a bit confused, but that was only understandable given that he had a concussion. The fact that he was able to wake up that soon means he is recovering well, and fast.

After Raven fell back asleep, she grabbed the empty water canteen and headed out of the tent. She looks up at the sky, noting that it was starting to get lighter. She had slept for longer than she expected. Shadow was still sleeping beside the tent.

“ _Specula, any news?”_ she asked through their connection, sensing her organoid’s presence closer to the canyon entrance. She _feels_ Specula’s reply, telling her that everything was clear, and that she hasn’t seen any zoids since the two Redlers.

She walks towards the Geno Breaker, refilling the canteen from the water reservoir tank in the storage compartment. She drops off the refilled canteen just inside the tent entrance before heading over to Specula’s position. Upon reaching her, Specula greets her with a hum. “ _It’s your turn to get some rest. I’ll take over.”_ The blue organoid hesitated, and Reese rolls her eyes. “ _I got enough sleep, I promise.”_ Reese smiles and shakes her head as Specula walked away, amused at her organoid being such a worry wart over her.

She kept watch for almost two hours, until the sun finally rose. When it became bright enough, she decided to prepare some breakfast, deeming it safe to use a fire now. She walks back to the camp site, and sees that everyone is still sleeping. She is the only one awake, so she makes a mental note to keep her senses sharp as she works.

She takes out a portable stove and a small pot. She fills the pot halfway with water and brings it to a boil. She then opened a military ration packet of freeze-dried beef stew, and pours the contents into the pot to reconstitute it. She would have to keep stirring it until it was ready.

Once it was done, she takes the pot off of the fire and sets it aside, its lid keeping it covered and warm. She then takes a thermal carafe, adds a packet of coffee and some water into it, then places it on the fire.

As she waits for the coffee, she looks toward the tent, wondering when Raven would wake up. It was already approaching late morning, and they still have a lot of distance to put between them and the authorities. He would want to head out immediately, as soon as he woke up.

She lets out a sigh, he really needs to rest, and the only way he can get that while staying on the move is if she pilots the Geno Breaker or if Specula or Shadow take control. Without any Zoidian magnite, however, it’ll take a while longer for Shadow to fully recover, and she doesn’t think Raven likes the idea of Specula in control either. She’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t push himself too hard and just see where they go from there.

* * *

When Raven opens his eyes, it is bright outside. His head feels clearer, if he can ignore the mild headache. He remembers waking up in here before…he really must’ve been out of it. He remembers… _Reese… “Where is she?”_ he thought, as he glanced at the corner by the entrance. Not there, but there is that water canteen.

He tries to get up, carefully this time. He does remember what happened last time. He rolls a little bit onto his right side first, this time using his right arm to slowly push himself up. He grimaced at the pain he felt all along his chest and sides. Once he gets to a seated position, he takes a minute to adjust. He waits for the throbbing pain in his head to subside as he regains his equilibrium, and he waits for his body to become inured to the constant pain. He lifts the blanket to look at his state, and is surprised to see himself all bandaged up. He touches his forehead and feels the bandage there as well.

He remembers everything now. He must have passed out while they were on the run after the battle. He frowns, annoyed with himself for having been so weak. If it wasn’t for Reese, they would have been caught by now. _Hmm?_ That last thought caught him off guard…it’s like he feels… _glad_ to have her around.

He decides not to dwell on it, and instead tries to put on his military jacket that had fallen off to the side when he got up. He slowly puts it on, one arm at a time, wincing at the twinges of pain in his ribs when he lifts his arms. Once he is done, he reaches for the canteen and takes a drink; slowly this time…he also remembers that last coughing session. He straps the canteen onto his belt and gets ready to head out.

When he gets outside, his eyes squint and strain against the brightness. It wasn’t even that sunny, considering they were shaded by tall canyons. His headache intensified, and he could barely open his eyes.

“Hey, you’re awake.” He hears Reese’s voice somewhere to the right. He slowly forces his eyes to open. He sees Reese walking towards him, a mug in hand.

“You had a mild concussion. Your eyes might be sensitive to the light for while.” She explained.

“Here. Have some coffee, it might help.” He takes the proffered mug from her, nodding his thanks.

“Where are we? How long have I been out?” he asked, drinking his coffee.

“I’m not entirely sure where we are. We were heading south from Eveopolis for about 6 hours before we had to stop.” She explains, as she starts to serve the rest of the beef stew into a bowl for him.

“It has been almost 15 hours since then.” She hands him the bowl. He takes it without thinking, more distracted by the fact that he has been out of commission for _fifteen_ hours.

“We need to get moving. We’ve lost too much time.” He said, quickly finishing his coffee and setting the bowl down by the pot, still full. Before he could make a move for the Geno Breaker, however, he hears a roar and sees Shadow and Specula walking towards them.

“Hey Shadow.” He greets his organoid with a small smile, glad that he’s alright. Shadow bounds over to him the rest of the way, relieved to see his partner has recovered, after being so guilt-ridden for the past fifteen hours. He touches Shadow’s muzzle, amused at the organoid’s unusual happy behavior.

Specula approached her master more calmly, seemingly rolling her eyes at the other organoid. Reese strokes her muzzle in greeting. “ _Did you find out anything, Spec?”_ Specula relays the new information she acquired during her reconnaissance with the black organoid. Reese nods at her organoid and updates Raven on their situation.

“There were two Redlers last night, Imperial soldiers who caught up to us. They didn’t spot us though, and kept moving south. Since then, they’ve now backtracked and started searching for us in the east. It’s only a matter of time before they start looking in our direction.” Reese finished explaining.

She still doesn’t like the idea of Raven moving about so soon, not with the extent of his injuries, but she knows that Raven can be quite obstinate, and likely won’t listen to her if she told him he needed to rest. She figures the best way to help him now is to make things easier for him. If she opposed him now, her resistance would only cause him more aggravation.

“What’s wrong?” Raven suddenly asked, pulling Reese out of her thoughts. She looks up at him, wondering if he was talking to her or to Shadow. He was looking right at her, with an intense look on his face. “ _Am I that easy to read?”_ She thought to herself.

“It’s nothing, it doesn’t matter. Come on, we have to keep moving, right?” She says as she starts to dismantle the tent.

Raven frowns at her response, not liking the idea that she is withholding something from him.

“Reese, if we’re going to be travelling together, I need full transparency from you.” He said, not removing his eyes off of her form, still somewhat mistrusting of her.

She looks up at him again, surprised and…a little _hurt_ at the mistrusting look in his eyes. She sighs before straightening up to fully face him. If her wants her honesty, then so be it.

“I think you need more rest, you shouldn’t be pushing yourself, not with the injuries you have. You’ll only end up hurting yourself even more if you don’t take it easy.” There. She said it. She looks at him straight in his eyes, no doubt her stubbornness also showing through.

He quietly stands there, looking at her, just a slight hint of disbelief on his face. _“That’s it? That’s really what was bugging her?”_ He thinks to himself, not expecting her earlier avoidance to be about her worry for _him_. He can see she is telling the truth though, preferring the look of resolve in her eyes at this moment, rather than the look of hurt he saw earlier. He also didn’t expect the twinge of guilt _that_ hurt look had stirred in him.

“What exactly would you suggest then? You said so yourself, we need to get going, and I sure as hell ain’t taking the back seat in my own zoid.” He said, with a challenging undertone to his words.

“And like I told you, it doesn’t matter. I knew you wouldn’t listen anyway.” She threw him an annoyed look and continued to pack up the tent. _“A new era of peace and we start our first day by arguing.”_ Reese thought to herself, shaking her head at the irony.

Raven stood there a moment longer, not really sure what to say. He had expected her to keep insisting, just as she had done many times before. What is there to listen to anyway? The only other member of their little group he’ll allow to take the controls of the Geno Breaker is Shadow, and he had already resolved not to order Shadow around like he did before. Shadow is also still recovering, and he’ll rather push himself to the limit than get Shadow hurt again.

He sighs, not really understanding why she’s worried about him, but deciding to assuage her anxiety anyway. “Listen, I’ll be fine, okay? We’re just travelling. If we run into any trouble, I won’t engage.”

Reese looks at him in surprise, not at all expecting him to say anything like _that_ to her…as if he was trying to _soothe_ her. It was her turn to be speechless, only giving him a small nod as a response.

With Reese finishing up packing the tent and the blankets, Raven moves to gather the rest of the supplies. Before he could reach the stove and the pot, however, Reese calls to him, stopping him midway. She approaches him, the bowl of beef stew in hand.

“Here, you could at least eat something before we leave. We’ll finish up here.” She said, a no-nonsense tone to her voice, handing him the bowl without another word. She picks up the stove, pot and carafe, and then heads over to the Geno Breaker with Specula carrying the bag. He shakes his head and starts to eat. He quickly finishes the food, not realizing how hungry he actually was. Shadow hummed beside him, also satisfied that his master had something to eat. 

“Hm. So you think it’s a good idea to keep them around then?” He asked his partner, not removing his eyes from the two blue figures by his Geno Breaker putting away supllies. Shadow gave another approving hum, also looking at the other two in the distance.

“Yeah…I think so, too.” He softly added, as they moved to catch up to them, ready to head out.


	4. Companionship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

They kept going south. Raven reasoned that the soldiers in the east would search the west next. With their campsite as evidence of their presence, it will serve as a false lead and they will likely keep searching in that direction. Reese agreed with his logic, but couldn’t help but feel that he had a specific destination in mind.

The days wore on as they traveled, constantly on the move as he ensured they would no longer be followed. On the way, they saw entire towns completely decimated by the multiple blasts the Death Saurer sent all over Planet Zi. And in towns that weren’t destroyed, they saw refugees from other nearby villages, people who survived the blast, who lost everything, everyone. They didn’t stop in those towns. They _couldn’t_. Not without feeling the guilt, the burden, the reminder of the pain they themselves have caused, their past sins. They could only keep moving.

On the third night, when they were eating by the cooking fire, Reese finally asked Raven. “Where are we heading?” She said, looking at Raven as he finished his soup.

He took his time before saying anything, and she waited patiently. “Home.”, he replied, not looking away from the blue stove fire, the only source of light. “There’s no place like home...” he trailed off, leaning back to look at the stars.

He didn’t get to lean back very far, as he couldn’t hide the wince when he experienced a sharp, shooting pain from his left side. He recoils forward to try to get back to a more upright position as he clutches his side. It only made the pain worse. Reese was immediately beside him, one hand on his back supporting him forward, and another on his shoulder, a deeply worried look on her face.

She doesn’t say anything as he tries to calm his breathing, the very action causing him more pain with every drawn breath. When his breathing was under control, she was quietly observing him, watching him breathe more and more evenly, and his hand slowly let go of his side. Shadow and Specula, who were mildly alarmed at the slight commotion, settled back down on their spots, a bit away from the fire.

“How are your headaches?” she asked as she retracted her hand from his back, still unsure about how he felt about her touching him. “I’m fine,” he replied tersely. She’s quiet for a moment, but she gets the hint, and retreats back to her spot across the fire.

She remains silent, she understands. The danger in showing weakness, in showing trust, it only leads to more pain, to betrayal. She’s used to getting pushed away, and she’s used to pushing others away. The only person who truly welcomed her was Nichalo... “ _And look where that got him....where_ I _got him._ ” She thinks sadly. The pain from his death as fresh as the night she lost him. The pain she was terrified would happen again a few days ago, as she watched Raven battle for his life against Prozen and Hiltz.

Raven looks at her from across the fire, slightly amazed that she had left him alone peacefully, and surprised at himself why he felt somewhat disappointed. It was what he wanted, to keep their distance. He is becoming more and more aware of her these past couple of days. She’s…different from what he thought her to be. More pensive, more withdrawn than before, when she would always engage him in conversation, whether he wanted it or not, and when she had no problem invading his personal space. He has also noticed the absence of her mental probing he usually felt when she was close by. She hasn’t tried to read his mind for a while now, or else she wouldn’t have had to ask how his headaches were. There was also a somber air about her, which became evident whenever he would see a deep sadness pass over her eyes. The very same look she has right this very moment, as she stares into the fire. What was she thinking about? Who had she lost? She couldn’t possibly care about that lunatic Hiltz, could she? No. He had betrayed her, tried to kill her even. She was just as happy as the rest of them to be rid of him. So what was it then?

He turns his gaze back to the fire, wishing _he_ could read her mind. He internally sighed and closed his eyes. He had already given up trying to deny the fact that he somehow grew to care about her. If he was being honest, he had suspected for a while now. He had stopped seeing her as an enemy ever since he woke up from his memories. He doesn’t know how it happened, but he _knew_ she wasn’t evil, that she never wanted to hurt him, that deep down she had wanted to _help_ him. He had been trying to figure out _why_ since then, been struggling to understand why she even bothered with him. Even these past few days she had been an immense help to him, taking care of most of the work setting and cleaning up the camp, keeping both of them fed and hydrated, changing his bandages…he feels guilty now for being rude to her. But he can’t help it. He’s not used to spending this much time with someone. Even though he knew he could trust her, a stubborn part of him is still not willing to accept her, to let her in. And she understands that about him, she respects him. This _softens_ him even more, and he doesn’t know how to stop it…he doesn’t even know if he _wants_ to.

He glances at her again, noting the quiet sorrow still present in her eyes, the light of the fire dancing within them as she continued to stare into it. Then she suddenly closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, the sadness is gone. Seeming to have snapped herself out of her thoughts, she gets up and starts setting up their sleeping mats, opposite each other across the fire.

He sat still, not saying a word, quietly observing her as he had often done when she was working. He knew she would shoot him a reproving look if he tried to get up and help her. So he stayed put, opting instead to try to figure out what it was about her that drew him.

She was always methodical, he noticed; organized and efficient. There was a quiet intelligence about her, which should come as no surprise given her history of cunning and deception during her missions. It was no wonder she was always assigned in espionage; she was excellent at it. She also had a strong focus, as he had experienced firsthand the extent of her psychic abilities. It still irks him, the fact that she could knock him out with just her mind. At least her piloting skills could use some work…well, a _lot_ of work. Although, he admits that she can certainly hold her own against the mediocre pilots milling about the planet, but her strength is definitely more the cloak-and-dagger type. She is definitely strong, in her own way, and she is a survivor. She doesn’t need his protection, and she certainly doesn’t need to help him now, so why? Why does she stick around? Did she feel indebted to him when he saved her?

He frowns, not knowing why he doesn't like the thought of her thinking she somehow _owed_ him for saving her life. What was he supposed to do? Leave her to die? After she showed up just in time to stop Hiltz from finishing him? He was selfish, sure, but he wasn't _that_ dishonorable.

He is pulled from his thoughts as she goes to lie down on her sleeping mat, her back towards him. He looks at her for a moment longer before deciding to turn in as well. He turns off the fire, which really only served as a light source, as the temperature no longer became chilly during the night the further they headed south.

He scoots over to his sleeping mat, and carefully lay down on his back, not wanting to repeat the earlier painful episode. He stares at the stars. They always calmed him, gave him clarity, and he realized that he didn’t like how he dismissed her earlier. He looks over at her again, knowing she was still awake by the slight tension in her shoulders.

“My headaches are gone…I haven’t had one since yesterday morning.” He said, his voice quiet, as he turns his eyes back towards the stars. He heard her shift, and he can see from his peripheral that she was looking at him. He keeps his gaze up at the stars, refusing the urge to look back at her, and he doesn’t know why he is holding his breath.

“Good...” She finally replied, just as quietly. “I’m glad.” He can hear the smile in her voice, and he slowly starts to breathe again. He can’t describe the warm feeling in his chest, and he doesn’t understand it. That was as close to an apology as he could get, and he couldn’t help the small smile to himself.

She had turned her back to him again, but the tension in her shoulders was gone. She was more relaxed and somewhat contented, and eventually her breathing started to get deeper and more even as she fell asleep.

He lay awake for a while longer, looking at the stars. Eventually his own eyes start to get heavy, and he too drifted off to sleep, thinking about how he understands her just a little bit more now. He understands why she sticks around, and it’s for the same reason why he wants her to stay.


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

They were running low on supplies. They hadn’t stop to restock in any of the towns that they passed by, too concerned that they would be recognized by the crowds of refugees and military aide in the areas. So on the last stretch of distance to his old house, he decided to travel through the night, thinking it best to arrive without being seen.

It was early morning before sunrise when they finally neared their destination. The open landscape turned to forest as they passed into the foothills. As they headed further along, the trees thinned a little into a small glade; a layer of mist curled over the patches of pale grass, and at the far end near the opposite tree line was Raven’s old home. They had finally arrived, after 4 days of travelling.

The rolling landscape of the surrounding foothills along with the taller tree line to the east provided the area with some cover, although the risk that they were still followed was very low. When Raven settled the Geno Breaker and lowered the cockpit to ground level, Reese observed the house as she exited. She had been here before when Raven had saved her and taken care of her, but she had never really paid any attention back then, as she was too busy thinking about Hiltz and Prozen trying to end the world.

It was a fairly large building; two storeys high, and from where she stood, it had a visible atrium with a sleek structure and glass windows spanning the entire height of the house, and a tower-like structure attached to the corner of the building which she knew to be the stair shaft. She hadn’t really been in any other part of the house other than the living quarters, but seeing the structure now, it seemed more like a _facility_ than a home.

She looked at Raven, who had opened the small storage compartment under the belly of the Geno Breaker and was about to unload their supplies and equipment. She thought back to his memories, about the reason why he hated zoids. His parents had been zoid researchers and had often neglected him as a child, too focused on their work, on _zoids_ , to truly be there for him. This building was indeed a research facility, but it was also his home, the only home he knew.

She envies him, in a way, in spite of his tragic circumstances. She doesn’t have memories of her own. Even with her powers to reveal memories, in her case there is _nothing_ to reveal. Her memories have all but faded away through time, years upon years spent encapsulated in a time pod. She only has incomplete pieces, tiny slivers of memories from her life long ago. Memories about the war, the destruction, the Death Saurer’s rise…traumatic memories tend to last the longest, after all. She has no memory of her family, if she even had one, no friends, no parents, nothing.

Most of her knowledge about her people came from what Hiltz had told her. She was just a child when she was put under, while he, on the other hand, was older when he entered a time pod, so he retained more of his memories…or so he explained. There was a time in her life when she had trusted him, even looked up to him. It wasn’t long before she found out that he was hiding so much more than he was revealing, setting up his mental defenses as she became more and more well versed in using her psychic powers. She wondered how much false information he had fed her throughout the years. She doesn’t know what to believe now. “ _Like any of it matters now anyway_.” She thought sardonically. There was no use dwelling on the past, the man was dead and the world is better off without him.

She heads over to Raven to help him carry their supplies, setting them down once they were inside the building. They entered from the front this time, and upon entering, they were greeted into a wide entrance hall, attached to it is the atrium on the left side. The atrium boasted a high ceiling and, in spite of the layers of dust and grime after years of neglect, plenty of light still shining through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows. Reese surmised that, after a good cleaning, it would offer a stunning view of the surrounding meadows and woodlands.

Raven observed Reese as she admired what was once his mother’s favourite place to think. Of course he never bothered his mother when she was working, but he still enjoyed her presence while he played in his corner by the couch, which was no longer there as everything was cleared out long ago.

When Reese showed him his memories, she had only started from the night of their deaths, but every now and again, he would get pieces of his childhood, memories of his parents he treasured the most, scarce as they may be.

He shook his head faintly, trying to shake away the memories, and the sadness that came with them. He focused instead on the woman in front of him, wearing a look of wonder and curiosity as she explored his childhood home, a small smile on her face. It still surprised him, how even a small smile can light up her face, perhaps because it was so rare to see her actually smile, and he’s just not used to it.

He gave a soft sigh before continuing to carry the supplies further down the hall to the kitchen area.

“ _I really am getting soft_.” He thinks to himself, becoming less and less bothered by the idea the more time he spent around her.

She followed him shortly after with the rest of the supplies, and quietly looked at him after setting them down. He was unpacking some of the cooking equipment and setting them on the dusty counters when he felt her gaze. He looked back at her, waiting for her to say what was on her mind.

“Is it alright with you if I took a look around?” She asked him, _almost_ shyly.

It took him a second to register why she was even asking him. Then it occurred to him. This rundown, abandoned place _is_ still his house, after all, and she was being respectful of that. He smirked in amusement; her formality was a bit absurd, considering who they were.

“I suppose it’s only appropriate that I give you a tour of the house.” He said as he straightened up, walking back to the doorway. He looked back at her when she didn’t immediately follow, lifting a dark eyebrow.

She snapped out of her bewilderment, initially confused at his behaviour, before quickly catching on to his somewhat playful tone. She smirked back at him.

“Thank you, how polite of you.” She quipped back at him before walking ahead. He only shakes his head at this new type of interaction between them before following behind her.

He let her walk ahead as he explained the areas of the house in brief words, their short banter having lightened up the mood between them. They started in the first floor of the house, going from the foyer in the back entrance, and then showing her the bathroom adjacent to the atrium. The main hallway opened up to the atrium area, which was across from the dining area connected to the kitchen, where they had just dropped off their supplies. It was incredible how much of the place he was able to remember, the feeling of nostalgia not lost on him as he entered every area.

Next they headed to the spiral staircase, located on the northwest corner of the house, heading up to the second floor. The stairwell was fairly dark with no electricity powering the long burnt-out light fixtures lining the walls, and only the early morning light shining through the dirt-stained embrasure windows of the tower.

Upon entering the second floor hallway, Raven took the lead and headed straight past a closed doorway, not even sparing it a glance. As they reached the corner, the left side of the hallway opens up to a view of the floor-to-ceiling windows, forming an indoor balcony over-looking the atrium below. Raven turned right and opened the door on the far end of the hallway, revealing the master bedroom, his _parent’s_ bedroom. Adjacent to the master bedroom was the family great room, which Reese remembered as the room where he had first offered her coffee. The hole in the ceiling where Specula had poked her head through was still there, allowing more light to enter the room than the dirty, moss-covered windows.

There were two doors on the other side of the great room. He opened the door on the left, revealing the second floor bathroom, and lastly, he opened the remaining door that lead to the bedroom they had used before, which he revealed to be _his_ old bedroom. She can’t believe it had only been about two weeks since she was last here. It seemed like such a darker time when there was a world-ending threat looming over their heads.

“And that’s it. That’s the rest of the house.” He concluded, closing the door to his old bedroom.

“The door at the top of the stairs leads to the roof, but the door has been rusted shut since I last checked. The only way up there for now is through that opening in the ceiling.” He explained, gesturing to the gap in the ceiling. And with that, Shadow poked his head through it, having flown to the roof from outside, eliciting a small smile from Raven.

There was a moment of silence before he turns to look at her, his expression so _open_ she was slightly taken aback by it.

“I want to start living here again.” He starts, his voice somehow quieter, even though there was no change to his volume. “I want to pick up where my life left off, before I became… _this._ ” He gestured vaguely to himself, a tone of self-disgust and self-loathing in his statement.

“Raven…” she started, but didn’t really know what to say. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him he is not the monster he sees himself to be, definitely not in her eyes. But she stops herself. Nothing she says would matter, not if it was coming from someone like her…

He saw the conflict in her, and misunderstood it as her not wanting the same thing, or maybe she thought she was unwelcomed based on how he chose his words.

“You’re welcome to stay, if you want.” He added, seemingly nonchalant, but his intense gaze betraying the truth that he actually _wanted_ her to stay.

She stared right back at him, a warm feeling forming in her chest at the invitation, a feeling she hadn’t felt since seeing Nichalo’s friendly smile for the first time when she woke up.

“I’d like that…” She replied with a small smile, still a little uncertain with the long-forgotten feeling of being welcomed.

“Good…” He said, satisfied with her answer but unsure of what else to say.

They continued to stare at each other until they were finally interrupted by Specula, who had also poked her head in and given a loud grunt, sensing her master’s swirling emotions and wondering what was happening. Shadow also hummed in wonder, having witnessed the interaction but no less closer to understanding their masters than the other organoid.

Raven and Reese broke their gaze and took a moment to recollect themselves before deciding to head back. They still need to settle in and get some much needed rest. After all, they had a lot of work to do before they can call this place _home_.

A/N: I had re-watched the episodes to get a reference of Raven’s old house:

Episode 49: The Distant Stars; the episode that showed Raven’s past…and his big-ass house.

Episode 62: The Gravity Cannon; the episode in which they showed Raven taking care of Reese in his old house (about 13 minutes in). It only showed the two rooms so I had to imagine and sketch out the rest.


	6. An Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

After unpacking the rest of their supplies, Raven and Reese went out to explore the area. Raven walked around with Shadow and inspected the outside of the house, while Reese did a perimeter check with Specula. He found a utility shed adjacent to the eastern wall of the house, and after some effort to loosen the well-worn hinges of its doors, he opened it and was pleased to find a generator. After a quick assessment, he found it to be in good condition, having been protected from the elements through the years in the shed. With a good tune up and re-fueling, he was confident he can get it working again.

They continued around the house, inspecting the integrity of the walls and the conditions of the windows as they went along. There were some patches of moss growing on the walls, and some creeping vines running along the sides, giving the place its old and forsaken look. However, in spite of nature starting to take over the house, there were no cracks or holes in the walls and windows, though one of the shutters was broken on the second floor, hanging crookedly from its hinges.

Just as they were finishing their round, Shadow gave a low hum, looking to the direction of the tree line to the east. He looked at his partner, conveying to him that Reese and Specula were calling for them; they had found something worth seeing.

* * *

Reese and Specula waited for Raven and Shadow to catch up to their location. She had been riding on Specula’s back, checking the area for any signs of activity or intrusion, when Specula spotted the zoid hidden among the trees.

It was a Cannon Tortoise, and upon closer inspection, she found that its core was dead, and the zoid had turned to stone. There was no sign of any battle in the area, nor did it look like it was damaged. It was also covered in leaves and moss, indicating that it had died a long time ago. She never would have noticed it if not for Specula’s sharp senses. There was something familiar about the zoid, although she can’t put her finger on it…

She hears Raven and Shadow approach before she could dwell on it any further. She looked at Raven as he stopped beside her, also looking at the zoid. He wore such a look of surprise and wonder that it made her even more curious where this zoid came from.

“It’s Gus…” He said slowly, a little stunned.

“Gus…?” That surely wasn’t what she expected him to say.

He shook his head faintly, reaching out a hand to touch the head of the zoid.

“It was what my father called it. It was a Cannon Tortoise he had modified to be a mobile observatory.” He explained, gesturing to the telescope structure protruding from the shell of the zoid, instead of the usual cannon. “The last time I remember, it was on the roof of the house. It must have leapt off when we disappeared…” He trailed off. “ _Has it been waiting here this whole time?_ ” He thought, amazed and saddened by the idea that it had somehow felt abandoned.

“The _roof_? Well, that explains that hole on the ceiling then.” Reese said amusedly, realizing why it looked familiar, having seen it in Raven’s memories.

“It was the best place to use the telescope without being obstructed by the tree line.” He replied, giving her a half shrug, an equally amused look on his face.

“My parents never owned any combat zoids, and we only had Gus whenever we had to travel anywhere.” He remembered those memories. Even if they only had to travel to visit another research facility or investigate another ancient ruin, it was still time he got to spend with his parents. The nights they had spent camping out on the road, looking through the high powered telescope, exploring the stars and celestial bodies far away, together. Those were his best memories…It made sense now why he was always drawn to the stars. Why they always calmed him and gave him some semblance of peace through the years he lived in war.

As he was flooded with the happy memories, Reese herself was moved by the tender look in his eyes and the small smile he wore as he continued to brush away the leaves from the zoid’s head. The sight before her made her smile, too.

Shadow suddenly stepped forward, breaking the silence as he gave an excited roar before stretching his wings and fusing with the zoid’s core. He had sensed his master’s bond with the dead zoid, something so rare for Raven that it thrilled the black organoid to bring it back to life.

Raven and Reese took a step back, and watched as the zoid’s stone body slowly regained its metallic form. Shadow continued to reactivate each cell in the zoid’s core, and in turn it slowly released life-giving energy and colour to its entire structure. Once all the cells in the core were brought back to life, and the energy flow was stable enough to be self-sustaining, Shadow unfused from the core, excited to see his partners reaction.

Raven watched in awe and anticipation as the zoid regained its life force. It took a moment before the zoid gave a slow hum, finally noticing their presence. Raven approached it slowly, unsure if it would attack or run away. He had only heard about abandoned zoids reverting to wild behaviors, but had never really encountered one up close. That is, he had never let them live long enough to _get_ close, always destroying any zoid he encountered without hesitation due to his past hatred for them.

To his surprise, it neither attacked nor did it run away. Instead, it stayed put, seemingly waiting and somehow curious of him as he got closer to it. When he finally reached it, he again placed his hand on its head. It stayed still, unsure what to make of him.

“Hey Gus…” He greeted the zoid hesitantly, and no sooner than he said it, the zoid gave an excited sound, slightly jumping to face him.

“It recognizes you.” Reese gasped, amazed at the zoid’s loyalty.

“Whoa there…easy…” Raven continued to calm the zoid, at a loss for the indescribable feeling of having a piece of his past come back to life. He had never piloted Gus before, and wondered if the zoid actually recognized him, or is mistaking him for his father. “It’s okay now, I’m here…” He said, his happy mood becoming more somber at the thought of the zoid never seeing his owner again.

He doesn’t have the time to dwell on it, however, as the cockpit suddenly opens, inviting them in. He smiled as he got in, the whole situation feeling surreal as he sat in the seat where his father had been before. He tested the controls, the actions coming naturally to him, being the experienced pilot that he is. He looked up at Reese who was still standing there, quietly observing him with a smile on her face.

“Come on.” He said, gesturing for her to get in.

She looked surprised for a moment before shaking her head no. “This is a special moment for you…” She replied hesitantly.

He only shook his head at her. “Just get in, will you? When do you ever get to ride on a _turtle_ -type zoid?” He was goading her. She gave a soft chuckle before finally getting in, settling in the passenger seat. Unlike the Geno Breaker cockpit, this one could easily fit two people side by side, similar to a Gustav cockpit, with even more space in the back.

He closed the cockpit and encased the telescope back inside the armored shell before deciding to head out. He had never piloted a Cannon Tortoise before, as he had always opted for the more armed and mobile zoids. He took it to the nearby plains, performing different maneuvers, loosening the stiff mechanics left over from the zoid’s long slumber. He cranked up their speed to the highest notch, finding out its maximum speed of 100 kilometers per hour. It was still much slower when compared to the Geno Breaker’s 345 kilometers per hour, but hey, it was still faster than he expected. He could _feel_ it, the zoid’s excited energy, _Gus’_ joy of finally being found and reunited. He knew then that Gus recognized him, not as his father, but as _him_.

Beside him, Reese sat back and enjoyed the ride, amazed at how much Raven had changed. For all the years she had known him, she never thought anything could ever overwhelm his hatred for zoids. And yet now, here he was, piloting and bonding with a Cannon Tortoise of all things.

He's also more open now, less guarded. He is still reticent in a lot of ways, a consequence of the life he lead under Prozen, but even then the change has been tremendous. It had been a pleasant surprise when he extended her an invitation to stay. She had been somewhat anxious to talk about her continued presence around him, somewhat scared he might ask questions she isn’t prepared to answer, and afraid that he would tell her to go away. They had known about each other for years, but she realizes now that she really doesn’t _know_ him. Now that he’s finally free, free from Prozen, from the military, from his own hatred and anger at the world…He’s finally free to be himself. No doubt it'll take a long time to erase bad habits and to heal the wounds, and even then, those wounds will turn to scars. But at least he is free. No more secrets, no controversies, no missions, no killings, no threats; just the _freedom_ to be whoever he wants to be, to live the life he wants to lead. And she can't wait to get to know the real Raven. So, for as long as he lets her, she will stay with him.


	7. A Close Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

After Raven brought them back to the house, it was nearing sunset. The rest of their first day in the abandoned house was uneventful. They were both exhausted from travelling, and the lack of sleep from the previous night also took its toll.

Once they settled in, they only had a small meal together, using up the last of their food. They would have to get more food and supplies in the morning. Raven turned in first, spreading out a sleeping mat on the floor of the great room, and wordlessly telling Reese that she could take the only bed in the house by gesturing to his old room.

She was still unsure by the time he was lying down and closing his eyes. After a week of travelling through the desert and sleeping on hard, uneven, and sometimes rocky ground, a proper bed is an incredibly welcomed change. And no doubt he could also use a break from the discomfort, especially while still recovering from his injuries.

“Raven, are you sure?” She asked him. Raven opened his eyes and gave her a pointed look. She didn’t want to push it.

“Well then...thank you”, she said sincerely, albeit hesitantly. His expression softens.

“Hm.” He only grunted in response before closing his eyes again.

Reese went into his old room. She lies on the bed, wide awake as she tries to sort her thoughts. Whether he allowed it or not, it doesn’t sit well with her that she was being a burden to him. They would need to get another bed for him, among the other things they needed to make this place more comfortable. With that in mind, she finally felt somewhat relaxed, and soon she fell asleep, letting the exhaustion take her.

* * *

When dawn came, Raven rose first. He approached the bedroom door and quietly opened it. Reese was still asleep on the bed. He moved further into the room, intending to wake her, but then had to think twice. “ _The last time I tried to wake her up, she tried to punch me._ ” He thought to himself, amused at the memory.

He was undecided. They needed to get supplies, and he wanted to go early to the closest town, before it got too busy. The less people who see them, the less likely they’ll be recognized. When he looked at her, however, going early seemed less important somehow.

He looked at her sleeping face, a habit he had developed during the time he took care of her. She looked better now, compared to when she was running a fever. No discomfort, no pain, no beads of sweat, no uncontrolled shaking...just the most peaceful look he had ever seen on her. He observed her face, from her full lips, her pert nose, her long eyelashes…

He closed his eyes, lightly shaking his head. He was attracted to her, _still_. He thought he had gotten rid of his attraction after she had recovered. He had admitted it before, during the time he had to care for her, but he had chalked it to the situation, reasoning that it was due to the self-imposed responsibility of having to nurse her back to health. He never had to take care of anyone before. He had thought that once she was better and no longer needed him, the attraction would also go away. It seems he was wrong…and now here he was, just like before, staring at her sleeping form…

“ _Like some creep._ ” He thought with self-annoyance as he shook his head again. He decided to stop looking at her, but try as he might, he couldn’t bring himself to wake her up.

“ _The trip for the supplies can wait_.” He thought with a sigh. They didn’t have any food left, but they still had some coffee, so he quietly left her side and went out to make a fresh pot. He lets her sleep.

* * *

It wasn’t long before Reese also woke up, well-rested and feeling both grateful and guilty for taking the bed. Upon heading out of the bedroom, she was greeted with a carafe of coffee and a clean, empty mug on the table, but no Raven. The sleeping mat he had used was now securely rolled up, and propped against the wall.

She poured herself a cup of coffee before looking out the window, enjoying the early morning sun. She saw Raven outside working on the Geno Breaker’s left leg joint. Remembering that they were supposed to get supplies, she quickly finished her coffee, trying not to burn her tongue, and headed down.

* * *

Raven was tuning up the left leg joint. He had piloted the Geno Breaker earlier after Shadow finished the final repairs on the zoid. It had taken multiple sessions to repair it completely, given how badly it was damaged. It took a lot of Shadow’s energy every time, unlike with the Geno Saurer. He supposed it was because of the higher evolution of the zoid, or perhaps it was because Shadow had just recently recovered from their last battle. During his test run, the left leg had felt _off_ somehow, not quite responding or keeping up the way he wanted; he needed to tune it up. Even if he wasn’t looking to fight anymore, the battles have always found him, and he doubts that it would change anytime soon.

When he saw her exit the door, he started to finish up his work. They had already emptied the small storage compartment the day before; they should be ready to leave to get new supplies. He closed up the panel, just as Specula and Shadow show up, having been signaled by Reese that they were leaving. They entered the Geno Breaker and started heading southeast to the closest village about seventy kilometers away.

Even with the landscape made of rolling hills and mountains, it only took about 15 minutes to reach the far outskirts of the settlement. However, they can’t risk having the Geno Breaker seen. Using the terrain scanner, Raven found a good spot to hide the Geno Breaker, about two and a half kilometers away from the village. They instructed their respective organoids to stand by and keep the Geno Breaker away from prying eyes, while also avoid being seen themselves. If they run into trouble in the village, Reese will call for them remotely. Raven and Reese travelled the rest of the way on foot, wearing cloaks to somewhat help cover their faces and markings.

On their half-an-hour walk to the village from the Geno Breaker, they had discussed what supplies they needed, and who was assigned to get them. Just as an extra precaution, however, they decided they would walk and pay separately once they entered the town, so as not to be associated together, and if either one of them is suspected, the other can serve as back up to help throw off suspicion. She also inquired how he would pay for the items without being traced, having the knowledge of how digital cash transfer, especially in the military, can be monitored and traced.

“That’s not possible. My device is independent from the military’s system.” He replied, taking out a portable digital cash unit transfer gear, a 4-by-4 inch electronic device, about a quarter-inch thick.

“Most of my missions were off the books, so Prozen made sure to set up my transactions to be untraceable and disconnected, even from his loyalists sector.” He glanced sideways at her before saying his next words. “I assume it was the same way for you and Hiltz.”

Her features darkened, not at all liking even the _mention_ of her association with Hiltz.

“I suppose you could say that, though he kept control of most of it. The man was _obsessed_ with keeping everything and everyone under his thumb.” She said bitterly. “He played Prozen like a fool, gaining access to multiple of his accounts, providing him the excessive power to hire countless mercenaries as his own army.”

Raven was quiet as he took in the new information. It made sense now why there were so many mercs under Hiltz’s orders; they would do any job for the right price. After all, the creed is greed.

“So how are _you_ planning to pay then?” He voiced his question, focusing on the task at hand.

“I wasn’t _totally_ helpless.” She takes out her own cash transfer gear and looked at him with a smirk on her face. “You really think a mind-reader can’t get access to one of those accounts? Or maybe two or three?” He smirked back, shaking his head for even asking.

As they neared the village, she reminded Raven that this was their first excursion to this village, and they should only buy what they can easily carry, and gather as much information they could about the people and the building layout. They will come back another time once they had more information and adjust their plan accordingly. Raven had not argued, recognizing her expertise on covert infiltration tactics.

They separated ways upon entering the village, with Raven walking about 30 feet ahead; she kept up just close enough to keep him in her line of sight. The village was a fair size, but small enough that it gave Reese a bit of confidence that they would not likely get recognized here. The place was already fairly busy, though not to a worrisome extent. She lowered her hood down some more, making sure her hair and marking are covered, before trying to find her way to the general store, where Raven was also headed.

Raven reached the general store first, on a mission to replenish their food supplies, acquire the necessary hardware he needed to start the generator repairs, as well as electrical repair materials and replacement light bulbs. She entered a moment later, moving to get some basic cleaning supplies; a small broom, some scourers and rags, a small bucket, just the things to start the cleanup process. She also retrieved some basic bathroom supplies before heading over to browse through the store’s meager apparel section. After getting her clothing items, she picked out clothes for Raven as well, trying to guess his size by memory comparison.

When she finished, she headed for the counter to pay. Before she reached the bored-looking man tending the register, she saw Raven leave the store, bags in hand. He would inconspicuously wait outside for her to exit as well before making their way back together.

Reese calmly approached the cashier, who immediately livened up with just one look at her. He scrambled to assist her, managing to look both extremely shy and ridiculously eager at the same time. Reese _might_ have found it somewhat charming, but he smelled so strongly of tobacco that she had to fight the urge to recoil from him.

“Is there anything else you need, miss? Would you like some help carrying these?” He asked her eagerly while packing the last of the items in a plastic bag.

“No, that was everything, thank you.” She said as politely as she could while paying for the items, transferring the necessary cash units to the store’s electronic register. She noticed the dismayed look on the man’s face and internally rolled her eyes.

“Actually…” The man’s face lit up as she spoke. “Do you know where I can purchase a bed around here?”

“Ah that would be our local carpenter’s shop just further down the street to your left. The carpenter’s name is Axel, big burly guy, you can’t miss him. He can make one for you if you want, or you can browse through his completed works.” He said, seemingly all in one breath. “I can escort you there if you want, miss…?” Reese caught on to his game, and decided to play along.

“Selena.” She said with a feigned shy smile on her face. It didn’t hurt to make friends, right? Besides, they were new here, and this connection could perhaps prove useful. “And that’s alright, I’ll find my way there. Thank you.” She added the last part as she sensed that he wanted to insist, a tone of finality to her voice. He at least accepted it and handed her the bags, satisfied that he got a name from her.

“You take care now, Selena.” He said as she was about to leave. She only gave a small smile and nodded in response before exiting the store.

She subtly searched the crowd for Raven, expecting to find him further down the street. Instead, she found him in the direction where they had come from. He made eye contact with her, and gestured for her to come closer with a slight tip of his head. Something was wrong.

She calmly walked over to him, stopping just in front of him, not acknowledging his presence by not facing him, still on the pretense that he was a stranger. He behaved similarly, softly whispering under his breath so only she could hear.

“We need to leave.” He said calmly, keeping his eyes trained straight in front of him. “Listen.”

It was fairly noisy in the street, but Reese knew exactly what he was talking about, as just behind him was a fueling station, where a group of three men seemed to be in the middle of a heavy discussion. She focused in on their conversation.

“It’s not worth checking out, man, there’s no way loot that big would just be sitting there _this_ close to a settlement.” One of them said, seemingly exasperated.

“That’s exactly why it won’t hurt to check out! It’s practically close enough to go on foot. A large metallic signature like that could be a larger zoid or even a group of smaller zoids right for the picking. And why would it be in the canyons anyway? It’s probably abandoned or immobilized.” Another man insisted; he seemed to be the instigator.

The last man gave a heavy sigh, and the other two quieted. He seemed to be the leader of their little group.

“Alright, alright, settle down. I’m certainly not going on foot, and if it does turn out to be legit, then we would need our Gustavs to transport the scrap. We’ll go once we’re done refueling here.” He said diplomatically.

They had heard enough. Reese started walking, keeping her pace with the crowd to avoid attracting attention. Raven shortly followed suit, picking up the gallon of fuel he obtained from the fueling station before noticing the group of scrappers. They needed to get to the Geno Breaker, and fast.

Once they reached the outskirts of the settlement, they started walking faster. Raven easily caught up to Reese who was slightly ahead. If they keep going on foot, the scrappers will catch up to them with their Gustavs.

“I called Shadow and Specula to meet us.” Reese said quickly, slightly out of breath from the faster pace and the extra weight she’s carrying. Raven wordlessly took some extra bags from her; she let him. They were now able to run, with Reese carrying a lighter load and Raven having no problem with the items. They cannot allow the scrappers to see them, let alone catch up to them. They certainly would have questions and cause for suspicion why they were heading in the direction of their signal in the middle of a grass field with no other settlement anywhere close.

Reese sensed two zoids trailing behind them, although still far enough away to be in their line of sight. Thankfully, they saw two black and blue figures coming out of the tree line on the other side of the field. They kept running until they met with the two organoids. Shadow and Specula slowed down just enough for their masters to quickly jump on their backs, before turning and making their way back to the Geno Breaker.

They hurriedly put the supplies away, knowing the items would only just get in the way of the controls, especially if the situation escalated any further. Once they were secured in the cockpit, Raven expertly maneuvered the large zoid out of the canyons. He got as far away from the area as stealthily as he could with the giant, red zoid.

They were silent. Reese was focusing to see if she can sense the scrappers’ zoids following them, and Raven was concentrating on changing the path he’s taking to lose any possible trackers that may want to follow them. He doesn’t want to lead them straight to the house.

No doubt the scrappers were wondering what happened to the signal they came across. Reese only hoped that they would blame it on faulty machinery. It was also fortunate that, from the sound of the conversation, the group was already skeptical about the signal being a legitimate find. However, even as they knew that they were far enough away, and that no one was following them, it was a close call.


	8. The First Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

They arrived back at the house, having taken a longer route to try to lose any would-be pursuers. They carried the supplies they had bought into the house, and both set off to do the work on the house that needed to be done. They tasked Specula and Shadow to keep watch and monitor the area as they worked, always erring on the side of caution.

Raven worked to fix and refuel the generator, while Reese did some general cleaning in the house, wiping down and scouring windows and counters and sweeping out years of accumulated dust and debris. She smiled as the lights came to life within the house, signaling that Raven had successfully repaired the generator. She was very glad for it indeed, as electricity could also mean running water. She can’t even remember the last time she had a good shower, as they’ve only been using minimal water with washcloths to keep themselves clean these past couple of weeks. With that in mind, she decided to also clean and prepare the bathrooms for just that.

When the generator was up and running, Raven went to small basement area in the house where the main water pump was located. The house was connected to the well water underground, so if he can successfully get the water running, they wouldn’t have to take trips to get water. He turned on the water pump and watched the pressure start to build up. He frowned upon seeing the state of the water filter, which was essentially clogged with grime, dirt, rust and limescale. Thankfully, upon searching the storage closets in the vicinity, he found some spare parts, including two unopened water filters. He cleaned the tank and replaced the water filter with a new one, then went upstairs to test the faucet in the kitchen. The faucet sputtered out brown rusty water, until it finally cleared as the plumbing was purged of rust and stagnant water.

Reese came up to the wide kitchen entryway, having just finished cleaning the first floor bathroom. Upon seeing the running faucet, she couldn’t help but smile.

“Who knew _the_ Raven would have such a penchant for house repairs?” she said mirthfully, leaning against the entryway, smile still in place as he looked back at her.

Seeing her there casually leaning on the entryway smiling at him, her soft green eyes dancing with mirth, the late afternoon sun shining behind her through the newly cleaned windows of the atrium, gave him such a strange warm feeling in his chest that he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Compared to repairing and modifying zoids, this is hardly complicated.” He said with a shrug, walking towards the entryway.

“Besides,” he continued as he leaned on the opposite side of the entryway. “Who knew _the_ Blue Devil was such a clean freak?” He said with a smirk, gesturing to the clean atrium with _spotless_ windows.

“I mean…how did you even reach that high up there?” He asked, now truly curious. Reese gave a soft chuckle as she also turned to face the atrium.

“I may have pulled Specula from guard duty for a bit just to fly me up there.” She said as she looked up and admired the clean windows and the wonderful view outside.

Raven glanced at her, the sunlight now fully lighting her smiling face, and the warm feeling in his chest only grew. Her hair had grown quite a bit, with the sides reaching past her ears, and the ends curling to frame the sides of her face. It won’t be long until her striking blue hair will reach her chin, and he wondered how it would look on her then…probably even more stunning.

Sensing his gaze on her, she looked back at him, and was immediately captivated by the intense look he was giving her. The moment lengthened and his gaze intensified, leaving Reese unnerved in a way that was entirely unrelated to fear. Hesitantly, Raven reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair across her temple. His knuckles softly grazed her skin, and the slow, almost awkward action sent a fluttery jolt through her, familiar, but different somehow from what she knew of that feeling. He then softly brushed the pad of his thumb across her chin. Reese stood frozen on the spot, her heart beating faster at his touch. Her eyes searched his face, but she did not recognize the expression in his eyes, having never seen it before.

Raven lowered his hand to his side again, just as slowly as he had raised it earlier. He saw the confusion in her eyes, which somewhat snapped him back and he hurriedly searched his mind for an explanation.

“There was…a smudge of dirt on your chin…” It was a lame excuse and he knew it, and based on the even more confused look on her face, she knew it, too. However, she accepted it, not wanting to delve deeper into what his action meant, and certainly not ready for it.

“Thanks…” She mumbled, absently wiping her chin with the back of her hand, the action providing her a moment to break the eye contact as she glanced at her hand. There was nothing there.

The moment passed and he quickly made his escape, moving back to the kitchen faucet to turn it off.

“Would you mind turning on the faucets upstairs? Just let it run for a bit to clear the pipes.” He instructed her as normal, as if nothing out of the ordinary happened a moment ago. It seemed to snap her out of it as well, giving him a quick nod before moving upstairs.

For a long minute after she'd gone, Raven remained motionless, though his mind was far from still. He leaned both his hands on the kitchen counter and hung his head, shaking it lightly. “ _What the hell is happening to me?_ ” He vehemently thought to himself. Never had he felt the urge to touch anyone like that before, and in such a way that he didn’t even _realize_ he was doing it until after the fact. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart and clear his mind, and for once, allowed himself to dwell on the matter.

Why had he touched her? It was unexpected, to say the least. He'd been thinking about how amusing she was for going to the length of riding her organoid just to clean the _windows_ , and somehow in the next moment his thoughts had shifted to how vibrantly colored she was; from her gentle, almost unnaturally green eyes, to her ridiculous but fascinating blue hair…and then he'd reached out to touch it. It was soft between his fingers, richly silken, and he traced it along her face as he imagined how it would look like when it reached her chin.

His attraction to her was…evolving, he realized with a detached sort of wonder. He had never been physically drawn to anyone before. Such things were useless and distracting in the life he had to live. Even having these thoughts now was a little disturbing, enough to experience an almost reflexive urge to wipe them from his mind.

Reese was, as he had previously realized and can no longer deny, _strikingly_ beautiful. Raven was never interested in anything typical or standardized. Reese's exotic features, her coloring and slender, elegant form were far more alluring than the typical, doll-like faces and voluptuous figures desired by so many men. Though he had learned to repress it over the years, Raven was only human, just a man, and increasingly wondered about the possibility of acting on these newly rediscovered impulses. A part of him was beginning to find her quite irresistible. It was as if something inside of him had been _inflamed_ by her.

Perhaps it was this newfound freedom that allowed his baser instincts to surface. The cloud of desperation, anger, and violence that had enveloped him as he struggled in military servitude, all his hopes futile…had evaporated as though a fresh wind had blown through his life. With each new day, this new freedom has given room for other desires to finally surface.

He smiled to himself as he straightened up, letting go of the counter. Strangely enough, he felt... _excited,_ and he only hopes that he hadn't scared her off. They were both confused at the time, but from now on, he will try to be more honest with her.

* * *

Unbeknownst to him, Reese was stopped midway on the stairwell, also struggling to comprehend what had happened. The memory of their moment together kept surfacing in her mind—the feel of his fingertips softly moving through her hair, his knuckles ghosting over her skin, the intensity of the unrecognizable but strangely familiar look in his dark eyes, caused her insides to tighten in the most strangely pleasant way….

She closed her eyes tightly, willing the thoughts away and tried to calm her breathing. They had just started this new life of freedom, and were just beginning to get used to one another. She did not want to jeopardize what they had just started building.

With that thought in mind, she released the stairway railing she had used to brace herself, and took a deep breath before continuing up the stairs. She would be there for him as best as she could, but it was no use getting her hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Updates are going to be a bit sporadic as life has suddenly gotten busier, so to anyone still reading, I will finish this story! I've already written ideas and scenes...it's just a matter of putting them together. Again this is my first fanfic so I'm still getting used to piecing together the story. There are certain scenarios that I don't quite know how to incorporate, so for now they're "scrapped", but maybe later, once they're fleshed out some more, I will post them as one-shots? We'll see. Any ideas or advice or feedback into what I am doing right or wrong or could be doing better, all are welcome! I am quite enjoying writing :)


	9. A Piece Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

Their interactions in the following days were as normal, as if nothing had happened. Raven waited and observed how she would behave around him since then, trying to see if anything had changed. Reese, however, had quickly convinced herself that it was probably nothing and that perhaps there really was something on her chin that day, and so she thought nothing more of it.

When Raven saw that nothing had changed, he felt both relief and disappointment. He felt relieved that he hadn’t made things awkward between them as they spent the following days continuing to improve and clean the house. He was also a little disappointed that it hadn’t affected her as much as it affected him. He became more and more aware of her since then, so much so that he started to notice things about her that he had never noticed before…Like how good she smelled whenever she was close enough, or the graceful way in which she stretched early in the morning when she appeared from his old room. She always tried to insist that he should take the bed every night, and he would always gently shrug it off, telling her that he doesn’t mind the sleeping mat. In truth, he just wants her to be comfortable, which was very unlike him, to care about something as seemingly trivial as someone else’s small comforts.

However, among the small satisfied smiles she makes whenever she finishes a particularly satisfying clean, and her witty sarcastic sense of humor he had seen glimpses of, there was also that same sadness about her that he had noticed before, which she seemed to always try to hide and shake off whenever he was near. It vexed him, the fact that she practically knew everything about him, and yet he knew next to nothing about her past.

Eventually, the time came for the necessity to resupply again, and Raven couldn’t wait to head out. After days of doing repairs and house work, Raven had felt restless, not used to staying in one place and not be in a zoid for long stretches. So when the day came when they planned to take the second trip to the settlement, he rose before the sun to prepare himself and the Geno Breaker for the journey.

* * *

Reese woke up to the smell of fresh coffee, and when she exited the room, she felt a sense of déjà vu when Raven nonchalantly gestured to the carafe of coffee on the table. It reminded her of the first time he had offered her coffee in the same manner. Except this time, it was bright in the room, and Raven wasn’t sitting sullenly against the wall grieving Shadow. Instead, he was looking out the window, his cup of coffee in hand, looking deep in thought.

She poured herself a cup of coffee before approaching another set of windows to admire and enjoy the early morning view. After a long peaceful silence, she looked over at Raven, who was still deep in thought, and traced his line of sight to see what he was staring at. It was the Geno Breaker, looking ever-looming and menacing, an angry red monstrosity clashing with the serene morning scene surrounding it. He was staring intently at the red zoid, as if trying to look for something.

“Raven…?” She hesitantly called to him. He had been quiet for a little too long that it had started to worry her.

He broke out of his thoughts and looked at her, a little bewildered. “Hm?”

“Is everything ok?” She asked him, wondering what he was thinking about.

“Hm…” He hummed, looking out the window again, at the zoid. “I took out the Geno Breaker earlier this morning…” He paused, as if trying to decide what he should say. “It would be too obvious to use if we want to keep a low profile. When we go to the village today, we should use Gus instead. It’ll take longer but it would be less risky. We can’t have another close call like last time.” He finished, still looking at the zoid intently.

Reese looked at him intently as well. Her intuition was telling her that there was more to his sudden quietude, but she was unsure how to ask him. She sighed, preparing herself to inquire him again, but was glad to find that it was unnecessary when he continued to speak.

“The Geno Breaker is closed off to me…” He started, his voice trailing off as he searched for the right words to use. “I hadn’t noticed it before, but it had always _felt_ cut-off from me somehow.”

After piloting Gus for the first time, he had started wondering about the past zoids that he had piloted, and how he somehow still _knew_ that each zoid was different, that each one had a personality, a different _feel_ to them. It was always _him_ that continued to deny them, treating them as if they were nothing but scrap metal. However, with the Geno Breaker, it was the other way around…It felt that _he_ was the one being denied, that he was the one being shut out.

He sighed, beginning to get a bit frustrated at himself for not being able to fully understand it, let alone explain it. He finished the rest of his lukewarm coffee in one gulp before putting the empty cup on the table.

“Forget about it-” He started to dismiss the whole thing, but stopped himself when he finally looked at Reese, and saw her looking at him with such open _awe_ and wonder on her face.

“What?” He asked her, breaking her reverie. She closed her eyes and shook her head in amazement and _slight_ disbelief.

“You really have changed so much.” She said to him, although her tone made it seem like she was saying it more to herself. “It took me a long time to notice it myself, and really the only reason I even began to suspect anything was because of the color.”

“Suspect what?” He asked, frowning in impatience. She paused to choose her words carefully, but knowing that he would be angry no matter how she told him, she pushed on.

“Hiltz and Ambient meddled with the evolution of the Geno Breaker.” She finally said, giving him a meaningful look. The look of shock quickly passed over his expression before it was replaced with dawning realization and eventual anger. He gritted his teeth.

“That fucking bastard…” He seethed out, angry at finding out that he was, yet again, manipulated and screwed over.

“Shadow spent the energy evolving it, but it was Hiltz leading the evolutionary design through Ambient’s influence.” She continued to explain. She didn’t want to anger him any further, but she wanted him to understand what the Geno Breaker truly was, a left-over piece of Hiltz.

“It’s not just you being handicapped by the Geno Breaker, there’s a reason why Shadow struggles to stay fused with the core.” She added, looking out the window to see the two organoids by the Geno Breaker.

“You two must have had a good laugh then, watching Shadow and I struggle with it.” He said sardonically, an accusatory tone in his statement. “And exactly when were you planning on telling me about it?”

She looked back at him, noting the challenging look he was now giving her yet again. She chose her words carefully, not wanting this conversation to turn into a fight.

“Hiltz kept me out of the loop, and you know as well as I do that if I had gone against his plan, he would have killed me on the spot. He only kept me around when I was useful to him.” She said calmly, understanding his anger, _trying_ not to let it affect her. “I did try to get away with warning you about Shadow’s limit with the Geno Breaker, but even then he still punished me for it…” She trailed off, her eyes looking down and a hand touching her cheek where the red-haired man had struck her for _interfering_ without orders.

Not missing the way she touched her cheek, as if remembering something particularly unpleasant, he regretted his earlier statement. He caught on to her meaning, and his anger immediately flared again, wishing it was _him_ who dealt the killing blow that ended Hiltz. The bastard was dead, and he was glad he at least had a hand in helping with that.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…” Reese said, her eyes sincere, imploring him to understand.

He looked into her eyes and saw only sincerity. It helped calm him down somewhat. He only nodded to her before returning his gaze back out the window. He didn’t say anything else as he continued to seethe. She finished her coffee quietly while he silently tried to further calm his useless anger towards a dead man.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said after a while, not wanting to waste any more time glaring at the red zoid.

Reese quietly followed him out, her mind filled with regret and guilt from the role she played against him, from her actions and inactions that could have led to his death. If he had died in the battle, in part it would’ve have been her fault, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I changed the rating to T, for the language...and maybe later on, for other things, too.  
> A/N: Episode 50 “Attack of the Geno Breaker” – the episode that showed when Reese questioned Hiltz on whether he meddled with the Geno Breaker evolution (about 7 minutes in).


	10. Of Anger and Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Death Saurer is gone, and they were finally free. But how do you piece yourself together again, when you never had all the pieces to begin with? A story of healing through companionship and love. Raven/Reese. Post-GF.

* * *

Piloting Gus to get to the settlement with only its 100-km-per-hour maximum speed would add another 30 minutes to their travel time, longer if he took into account the terrain. It had been 10 minutes since they left, and Reese still hadn’t said a word. Well, neither had he, for that matter, and they were usually quiet, so it was nothing new…but this was _different_. It wasn’t awkward, just more somber. She was deeper in thought than usual, and it definitely started after their conversation that morning.

The revelation still weighed on him. Although he had somewhat calmed down since, the uneasiness at the thought of what the Geno Breaker truly is has only grown. In spite of his decision to try to live a more peaceful life, he knew that fights would always find him. He knew based on his instincts, his training, and all his experience. All he can ever remember is fighting, and all he wants to do now is to at least remember what peace felt like. Even during these past few days without any incident, he was still restless…he doesn’t know how to be at peace _and_ be constantly at the ready for a fight. This situation with the Geno Breaker is just going to add to his restlessness. How can he fight while piloting a zoid that rebels against him? A zoid that was essentially a piece of the man who ruined his life…

He closed his eyes briefly, breaking away from where his thoughts were going before he could lose control of his anger again, or worse, lose himself in thinking about the past. He instead focused his attention to the woman sitting next to him, who still hadn’t said a word. He decided to be the one to break the silence.

“Reese,” he called out to her, breaking her away from her thoughts as she turned to face him. He took a second to think about how he wanted to ask her, not really used to caring about other people, let alone asking about their well-being. “Something’s bothering you.” He finally said, albeit bluntly, and didn’t at all come out as a question like he intended.

She remained quiet for a little longer. As she remembered their deal about being transparent with him, she pushed aside her initial impulse to brush it off as nothing. A promise was a promise.

He stayed quiet as well, surprisingly showing patience as he waited for her to respond.

“I’m sorry…for what happened before.” She said quietly. “I’m sorry for all the times I was your enemy.”

Raven was taken aback by her apology, one he didn’t think she had to make. Yes, she used to be his enemy, but so was he towards her. He certainly returned his fair share of hostility towards her, so much so that he could have killed her multiple times. If anything, he can remember many times she had tried to help him and he stubbornly never listened to her.

“Reese…” He started, but stopped as he didn’t know how to respond. “You know you don’t have to apologize for anything…especially not to _me_.” He was now looking at her fully, letting Shadow take over as they continued to move, but kept his hold on the controls. “You _do_ remember all the times I tried to kill you, right?” He lifted an eyebrow at her, his tone now slightly playful.

She couldn’t help the small smile, still not used to this side of him. “Fun times,” she bantered back, an amused glint in her eyes.

After years of being hostile to each other, indifferent at best, it’s a wonder how they’re even sitting here teasing and bantering with each other. That warm feeling in his chest was back again, making him smile at the fact that he had broken her somber mood. Although, after hearing that apology, he suspects that he was the reason for it to begin with.

“Was that about earlier?” He asked her after a moment had passed.

She hesitated at first, before giving him a small nod.

“Reese…what I said back there-“, he paused, again unsure of his words, but knowing that he hadn’t meant to group her with Hiltz like that. “I didn’t mean it…about you and Hiltz. I know now that you’re not like him...you know?” He trailed off and glanced at her, hoping she understood what he was trying to say.

“I know…” She replied quietly. “But even more so, it’s…important to me…that you know that I’m not your enemy…” she started, her words reflecting her inner struggle of opening up to someone.

“Raven…I want you to know that you can trust me,” she finally said, looking him straight in the eye. She felt vulnerable, but she refused to look away.

Raven looked back at her, unsure what to say, and his moment of hesitation caused her to backtrack.

“But… I understand if you don’t.” And she truly did. She understood perfectly; to betray and to be betrayed, of having to hide yourself and of exposing others, to be pushed down and to step on others. It was a life they both knew very well.

He remained quiet, mulling over what she had just asked of him. Can he really trust her? Can he even trust at all? Truthfully, he doesn’t know. But, the more he thought about it, something occurred to him.

“Is that why you haven’t been trying to get in my head?” He asked her, the absence of her mind probing had been a question to him since they started travelling together.

Reese was caught off guard by the sudden question, not really expecting him to notice, let alone mention something like that. She hadn’t really thought about _why_ she stopped reading his mind. It just…didn’t seem right to do so after everything they had been through. It seemed…disrespectful, invasive even. Things she hadn’t really cared about before but…it’s different with him now.

“I suppose so…” she answered slowly. “I mean, after everything that’s happened…it just didn’t feel right to go back to that.”

“You mean, back to when you couldn’t trust me _not_ to try and kill you, or betray you.” He more so stated rather than asked, already knowing the truth.

“More or less,” she replied, giving him a smile and a small shrug to convey she no longer feels that way about him.

“So…does that mean you trust _me_?” He asked, genuinely curious.

She took a moment to consider the question before slowly nodding, a small, honest smile on her face.

“I do. Although…” she paused, choosing her words as she remembered what happened earlier. “I have doubts at times, when you get angry with me…” she finished hesitantly.

He looked at her, feeling guilty about lashing out and making an enemy of her that morning.

“I was just…angry. Not with you, though I did take it out on you.” He looked at her again, into her eyes as he said his next words. “I’m sorry…”

He can’t remember the last time he had made an apology. It came out slightly awkward, but he truly meant it. “And I’m sorry for back then, too, even though it really hasn’t been that long ago…”

It was now her turn to be baffled by his apology, though she appreciated it nonetheless.

“You don’t need to apologize to me either. I understand.” she said reassuringly.

“You started it,” he said with a shrug of his shoulder, giving her a smile before turning his attention back to the controls.

He did not quite expect the relief that followed after they cleared the air about their past. He felt lighter. It was the kind of feeling that made it easier to breathe. He felt more at ease, his anger and uneasiness momentarily forgotten. He knew she felt it, too, as she chuckled softly at him. Her smile never leaving her face even as they soon approached the settlement.


	11. Beautiful

They stopped as they approached the settlement, and instructed the organoids to stay on the outskirts and to remain unseen and alert. Specula communicated to Reese to be careful, not at all liking being separated from her, even for only a short while. Before Shadow disengaged from the core to join the blue organoid, he also grunted his concern to his partner. He knew Raven was perfectly capable on his own, but the lack of a combat zoid may potentially be a problem. He hesitated in unfusing, wanting to accompany them by staying hidden within Gus.

“We’ll be okay, Shadow.” Raven replied, trying to assuage him. “We can’t take the risk of you being seen or detected somehow, especially not with scrappers in the area.”

Shadow hummed his disappointment before reluctantly separating from the zoid to join with Specula. He hummed again, low and accepting, as if telling him to take care and that he’ll be there when he gets back. Raven nodded back at him through the cockpit barrier before propelling Gus towards their destination.

The bond between Raven and Shadow has only grown since they were turned against each other by Prozen. It has never ceased to amaze Reese that a non-Zoidian could bond with an organoid the way Raven has with Shadow. The only other pair that comes close to having that bond is Flyheight with Zeke, although Elisi Linette, being the owner and the Ancient Zoidian who can communicate with the white organoid, had a lot to help with that bond. With Raven and Shadow, however, they’ve been on their own this entire time. They struggled and fought through battles together, always looking after each other. Although it took Raven a long time to realize what Shadow meant to him, it was a bond tested and broken and reforged again and again. Raven did not have the powers of an Ancient Zoidan to connect with Shadow telepathically, but in spite of that, they still understood and were in tune with each other just the same.

Reese was snapped from her thoughts as Raven turned towards her, wondering why she had been looking at him. She didn’t even realize she had been staring, and wondered how long he noticed her gaze before looking in her direction. Trying to hide her slight embarrassment, she gave him a small shrug before turning away to look at the settlement ahead of them, missing the small smile on Raven’s face.

* * *

With Gus being much less suspicious than the Geno Breaker, they were able to enter the settlement without drawing too much attention. Gus also provided them with more cargo space than the Geno Breaker, and the thought reminded Reese of the bed that they still needed to acquire for Raven.

“Same as last time, we get supplies then we leave. Be careful not to draw too much attention or get recognized.” Raven said as they stopped in the zoid terminal area.

“Wait,” Reese’s voice stopped him before he could open the cockpit. “There’s a carpenter’s shop just further down the street from the general store.” She told him, but he only gave her a confused look, as if silently asking her why that mattered. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him.

“You can’t keep sleeping on the floor, Raven.” She deadpanned, shooting him a look that matched her tone.

He couldn’t help the amused smile that came onto his face as he realized what she was saying, shaking his head slightly at the thought that even until now she still fussed over that bed issue. “Maybe I’m enjoying the floor, Reese, you don’t know that.”

This time, she did roll her eyes at him, although the small smile on her face betrayed her mirth.

“Alright, we’ll get a bed.” He finally conceded, seeing no harm in getting a bed. “I’ll go to the carpenter’s shop.”

She nodded, satisfied that he had agreed with her. “And I’ll go resupply at the General Store.”

He nodded at her. “We’ll meet back here.”

Besides, sooner or later they’ll need to get other furniture anyway, might as well get whatever they can fit in one trip. The fewer the trips, the less likely someone will notice a pattern and realize their presence in the area.

Raven left first, as he had to go further along to find the carpenter’s shop. Not long after, Reese also exited and made her way to the General Store. On the way there, however, she passed by a small clothing and fabric shop. Given that this was their second excursion to the town, they did not have the same level of uncertainty as they did the first time, and with Gus close by, an exit was not as far away as before. She deemed that she can afford to shop a bit more extensively this time around, and planned to acquire items that are suited for a longer stay instead of just for an immediate need. With that thought in mind, she stopped by the small shop, not wanting to pass by the opportunity to buy some new clothes and new blankets for the both of them.

When she reached the General Store, she already had two bags with her. Fortunately, they were mainly fabric and were both not very heavy and could easily be carried with one hand. She opened the door with her free hand. Upon entering the store, she was immediately greeted by a loud voice.

“Selena!”

She sharply looked up to find the same man from a couple of weeks ago tending the register. She had forgotten about him. She only feigned a smile while groaning internally as he approached her, putting out a cigarette on his way.

“My name is Lucas. I didn’t get the chance to tell you before.” He said casually, with a little too much familiarity than she liked. “I was beginning to think you would never come back.”

“I didn’t know you were waiting, Lucas.” She replied with a shrug, a little bluntly but not too unfriendly.

“Well, it was worth waiting all that time if I got to see a pretty girl like you again.” he grinned at her. His suggestive tone did not go unnoticed. Normally this type of cat-and-mouse game would amuse her, but she is not the same as before. Now she has something she cared about. _Or someone…_ She fought the urge to shake her head at what her mind unwittingly supplied.

“I’m just here to get some more supplies.” She said as she turned to move towards the aisles to search for items.

“Oh! Of course, I’ll be right here when you’re done.” He said as he returned to the register.

His words didn’t quite sit well with her, and she dreaded having to deal with him when she had to pay for her items. He seemed more forward now, the hint of shyness she sensed from him before was gone.

In any case, she had no interest in encouraging the man, but decided that she would still be wary of him. She refocused herself on the task at hand, quickly going through the mental checklist as she looked and gathered the items.

After gathering some food items, kitchen utensils, and other supplies, she was ready to check out, but was not looking forward to speaking to Lucas. She has learned over the years to always listen to her intuition, after all.

When she walked up to the register, Lucas was ready for her with an eager smile. She did not return the smile, and instead only nodded as he started processing the items. She did not dare say anything that would encourage conversation. Not that it stopped him anyway.

“So, Selena, do you live around here?” he started, not nearly moving and scanning her items as fast as he had done before. He was stalling.

“No, just a slightly longer layover,” she lied easily. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was thinking if we could get to know each other better.” He said, flashing a confident smile. “How ‘bout a drink later tonight? I know a good place just a few streets over.”

She mentally scoffed at the idea. Though she admired his confidence, she didn’t like how he seemed just too sure of himself.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m busy enough as it is.” She replied, watching as his smile turned a little stiff around the edges. “Thank you though.” She added, seemingly flattered.

“Oh. That’s unfortunate.” He said as he finished packing up her supplies. She paid for the items, glad that she was closer to leaving, but sensing he was not quite done with her yet.

“Well, at least let me help carry all this for you. You have a lot of bags to carry as it is.” He gestured to her other bags she had acquired from the fabric store.

“These are really not that heavy, I think I can manage.” She said as she tried to take the bags of supplies. “I’m sure you need to be looking after your store here.”

“No really, I insist.” He grabbed the bags before she could take them and pulled them off the counter, pressing a button under the table that emitted a far off buzz from the back of the store she could faintly hear. “My uncle will cover for me while I’m gone. It won’t be long.”

She watched him as he started for the exit, slightly annoyed but more so suspicious as to why he wanted to help carry the bags.

“So, where to?” he asked her as he reached the exit, unsure where to turn.

“Left, to the zoid terminal” she answered him as she started to walk as well. He led the way, keeping up the small talk about the town and the shops that she wasn’t really paying attention to. She stayed mostly quiet through it, only humming or absently nodding whenever it seemed some form of a response was appropriate. She did, however, notice that they were not taking the normal route there. It wasn’t really crowded to start with, but the longer they walked, it noticeably became quieter and quieter.

“This isn’t really the way I take to the terminal.” She spoke up, interrupting him mid-sentence. He looked at her before shrugging a shoulder.

“This way is shorter. A lot of people use the main streets and it takes them twice as long.” He said, looking straight ahead as he explained. She only narrowed her eyes at him, not at all falling for whatever ploy he was planning. At this point, however, he had taken them to an empty back street.

“Okay, I think this is as far as I go. I can find my own way back.” She stopped behind him and he turned to her. She held out her free hand towards him. “My bags please.”

He quietly looked at her, and she looked straight right back, gaze unwavering and challenging. When he realized that she was onto him, he only hesitated for a moment before handing her the bags, a frown on his face replacing the amiable expression he had before.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.” She said as she slowly backed away and turned her back to him when she was far enough.

“Who are you hiding from?” he said casually from behind.

She stopped in her tracks, staying quiet and calm. “I don’t know what you mean.”

She started to move but his voice stopped her yet again, and this time it sent dread through her spine.

“Some men came by not long after you showed up.” He started. “Many of them actually, one after the other…” He had started moving towards her.

“They were asking about a girl with blue hair…” he continued slowly, letting his meaning sink in. “I know you tried to hide it well, but up close…let’s just say you made an impression on me.”

“I’m sure I’m not the only one who would fit that description.” She said, keeping her voice calm, ignoring his second statement.

“Hmm…They also mentioned she has a red mark on her forehead.” He walked around her to face her.

“Much like this one you have right here,” he said as he reached up and moved her hair with his fingers to reveal the mark. She wanted to recoil and lash out at him, but she needed to gather more information about those men.

“And why would those men be looking for someone like me?” She asked him, taking a half step back to put a bit of distance between them.

“They didn’t seem like the…do-right type of people, if you know what I mean.” He said slyly. She’s really had enough of his smart-ass attitude.

“But don’t worry, I didn’t tell them anything.” He said as he seemed to back away.

She observed him. He had a look in his eyes, a look that she knew better than anyone. She has worn that look more times than she cared to admit. When it comes to manipulation, this guy is an absolute amateur.

“What do you want.” She more so stated rather than asked him.

“Hey I’m just trying to offer you my help here.” His said, seemingly nonchalant. She only raised an eyebrow in reply.

“If you’re in trouble, I can help you. Stay with me, I’ll protect you.” He said entreatingly.

She couldn’t believe it. The idea was laughable at best. This man had no clue who he was talking to, let alone what he was asking. As slimy as this guy was, he was only being naïve and ignorant, so she opted to turn him down civilly.

“Thank you for the offer, but I think I can manage.” She said with finality as she side-stepped him, eager to end the situation and find Raven.

Before she could get too far, however, he grabs her roughly by the elbow, causing her to drop the bags. “Of course, I _could_ contact them and tell them about you.” He said in a low threatening voice.

Anger flared within her at the gall of this man for the blackmail.

“Come on…” he continued to whisper under his breath. “Just one night-”

He was suddenly cut off by a sudden boot hitting the side of his head, instantly knocking him out. She looked back and saw Raven standing over his unconscious body, having delivered the kick, a disgusted look on his face.

“Looks like I got here just in time”, he said as he lays a boot on the villager’s head.

“How many times do I have to save you-“, he stopped short as he finally looked at her. Her eyes were glowing as she looked at the unconscious man under his boot. He didn’t save her just now. In fact, it looked like he just saved this piece of garbage from _her_. Sometimes he forgets just how powerful she is. “ _Beautiful_...” he thought, as an unfamiliar wave of admiration flared within him at the sight of her. He snapped out of his thoughts, forcing himself to stop staring.

“Reese...” he called out to her quietly. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, and when she opened them again they were back to normal. She looked at him, her face unreadable, but her eyes were glad to see him.

“Thank you”, she said, now breaking a small smile.

“You like making an entrance, don’t you?” She asked, amused as he digs his boot into the villager’s head as he moves to step over his body. He shrugged, giving her a smirk.

“I’m sure he deserved it.” He said, gesturing to the unconscious man. He was already wary when he saw the man leading her to an empty street, and immediately sprang into action once the man grabbed her when she tried to walk away. In hindsight, he could have just let her deal with him, instead of sparing him from the nightmares she could have put him under.

“What did he want anyway?” He asked as he crouched to pick up the forgotten bags, gathering stray items that fell out and placing them back in.

“It’s not important.” She said as she helped him gather up fallen items. “What’s important is he mentioned that there were some men looking and asking around about me.”

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her as she continued.

“I thought he was bluffing just to blackmail me, but I searched his memories and it’s true. He was at least telling the truth about not telling them anything though, despite being offered money.” She met his gaze, giving him a meaningful look.

“I erased his memories of me and those men, and this…encounter.” She said, gesturing around them. “But I don’t think I should be stepping in this town for a while, not when there’s an active hunt on my head. And if they’re looking for me, they’re definitely onto you as well.”

He nodded at her and continued packing up the items, mulling over the news. When they collected everything back up, he took the heavier bags and they started walking back.

“What did he blackmail you for? He must’ve wanted it enough to turn down the money.” He finally voiced out after a few minutes of silent walking.

“He wanted a date.” She answered with a shrug, and then chuckled after hearing how ridiculous it sounded.

Raven looked at her in disbelief, before also chuckling at her situation. “Well, well, well, look at you making new friends.” He grinned at her.

“Ugh, shut up.” She mumbled back but kept smiling at the sight of his grinning face.

“What were you doing back there, anyway? I thought you were still at the carpenter’s shop.” She asked him, changing the subject before her stomach did any more flips.

“The carpenter, Axel, asked if he wanted to have the furniture delivered by his son,” he went on to explain. “He probably thought that we lived close by. I told him that I had the cargo space to fit everything in.”

“Everything?” she asked him.

“Yeah, I figured I’d get other furniture while we were here.” He shrugged. “The house is bare, so we would’ve needed them at some point if we’re to continue staying there.”

She nodded, still in disbelief that they were playing house while being on the run. It all still felt surreal to her.

“Anyway, I went to get Gus and after we loaded everything in, I saw you walking with someone on my way back to the terminal. I decided to follow you when I realized you were headed the wrong way.” He continued. “I left Gus just further up ahead.” He finished, gesturing to the path ahead them.

“I’m glad you came when you did, you certainly kicked him hard enough that it was easy getting in his memories.” She said in a thankful voice. “His mind was out cold, he wouldn’t suspect anything when he wakes up.” She grinned up at him.

He only nodded and smiled back at her, not quite trusting his voice after feeling his heart skip a beat. He looked away and was glad to see Gus just a short distance away. He is still not quite used to these new emotions, and since he can’t fight it, his next instinct is still to try to escape.

“What else did you get other than the bed?” she asked him, after a short moment of silence, not noticing the awkwardness in her companion.

“Just a few chairs and tables, a dining set, and a couple of dressers for our clothes,” he replied, glad for the distraction. She looked at him curiously.

“And they all fit in there?” she asked, gesturing to Gus as they neared the zoid. He nodded.

“They’re packed pretty tight in there, and they would need to be assembled later on.” He explained. “He was happy enough that I made a big purchase that he gave me all the tools and materials I would need.”

She chuckled for the second time that day. “So, you’re going to be building furniture now?” She teased him.

“I certainly wasn’t going to ask him to come over.” He defended, which only amused her even further. “And I’m not building them, I’m _assembling_ them.”

“Right…” She was smiling widely at him now as they reached Gus and he opened the cockpit. They put all the bags in the back.

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted the bed.” He reminded her, a weak try to turn this against her, but he couldn’t help but smile as well. She got in first and started putting on the safety harness.

“First house repairs and now carpentry...” She wasn’t even listening to him anymore.

“You’re right, you know too much already, I’m going to have to kill you.” He joked back, and for the first time, he actually heard her laugh. He had never felt as free as he did in that moment.

“I’m glad you’re no good at that at least.” She finally said after settling down, referring back to their earlier conversation. He chuckled, glad that she was joking about his past attempts of trying to eliminate her.

“Yeah, I’m glad about that, too.” He grinned back at her. He strapped in as well, and geared up Gus for the journey back.


	12. Of Grief and Comfort

After meeting up with Shadow and Specula, they did not waste any time heading back. The ride home was spent discussing who could be the men hunting Reese. From what she could gleam from the memories, they were not military, which would likely mean that they were mercenaries.

The bigger question, however, was who would sponsor a bounty on her head? Given her past transgressions, that question brings a broad range of answers. With no other leads, they could only decide to stay low and keep away from the settlement, as well as keep their ears to the ground for any trouble that may be closing in on them.

For now, the next major concern that they have is deciding on where Raven will be sleeping now that he has a proper bed. It was a fairly large bed, certainly too big for his old room. Really the only reasonable choice is the master bedroom. However, upon the mention of his parents’ old room, and the thought of him sleeping there, the black-haired maverick became withdrawn. To her eyes at least.

It was a subtle pause, an almost unnoticeable shift in his demeanor. Almost. It was easy to miss, and she certainly would have back then. But she had spent enough time around him, getting to know him, that even without her powers, she was able to read him; the quieter tone, a far off look. It was almost as if he had slightly recoiled himself from the world around him. But in spite of the change, he carried the conversation as if nothing had bothered him, and they continued to talk about where to place the rest of the furniture until they arrived at the glade.

Worried, she observed him, looking for the opportunity, and perhaps the courage, to try to talk to him. To tell him that he didn’t need to face anything he wasn’t ready to face.

“Raven,” she called to him, her imploring tone caught his attention as he was unloading the items. He looked back at her with guarded eyes, something she hadn’t seen since their first days travelling together.

Although it saddened her to see that he was guarding himself around her, she understood that he was _trained_ not to show weakness around anyone. For him to be suddenly so wary of her after joking around earlier only meant that he really is feeling anxious about what was brought up.

So she approached him, walking slowly until she was standing in front of him, his eyes watching her carefully the entire time. She didn’t reach out to him or try to touch him. She just looked calmly right back.

“You don’t have to sleep in their room you know…” she started to say, her voice soft and her tone soothing. “You can sleep in your old room if you want.”

He was quiet as he kept looking at her, into her eyes, as if trying to figure out how she knew and why she cared. Moments passed as his gaze finally softened, and he relented, as if just deciding that he could relax around her. There was no use denying it anyway. He breathed out a soft sigh and shook his head.

“I’ll be fine.” He replied in an even tone, though his eyes were grateful. “Really” he added, when he saw she didn’t seem convinced.

“Alright…” she finally replied, reluctant but understanding. He only nodded and went back to work in unloading everything. She gave his back a worried glance and sighed before helping him.

After putting away the rest of the supplies, and unloading the rest of the other items of furniture in the atrium, he started to assemble the bed in his parents’ old room…well, _his_ room now. It felt surreal to be in the room, and he doesn’t really know how he would feel when he sleeps there later that night.

Reese could sense how… _unsettled_ he was with the idea of staying in his parents’ old room, but this was something he could only face alone. That didn’t stop her from trying to help as best as she could though. She had cleaned and helped in setting up the room to be as comfortable as possible, and even put fresh sheets and a pillow on the finished bed for him.

When night came and he lay in his new bed, the memory of her worried eyes and soft voice helped him find sleep, and before he knew it, it was morning.

* * *

It had been a couple of days since Raven had started sleeping in his parents’ old room. On the first morning, he had seemed a bit more somber than usual, but by the second day, he seemed to be adjusting well. Reese had thought that his initial discomfort was turning out to be nothing after all, and they spent the next few days furnishing the house and doing some repairs.

However, on the fifth night, she was proven wrong, as she woke up to a horrible feeling. A deep worry overcame her as she tried to figure out what had woken her up.

 _Raven_ …

She could feel him, he was angry…and he was in pain. She could see glimpses…flashes of him being sent flying against the wall…and it replayed over and over, as if he was stuck in a loop. She could _feel_ his helplessness…She needed to find him.

She went to look for him, but when she entered his room the bed was empty, with the sheets carelessly thrown onto the floor. She could sense that he was still very close by. She closed her eyes and focused, trying to locate where he was, the energy and emotions coming from him was almost overwhelming.

She found him and quickly headed to where he was. He was still on the second floor, in the room right next door, the one he had passed by on their first day here. He had never shown it to her, never mentioned it, never even spared it a glance ever since. She, too, never mentioned it or asked him about it. She had never even entered it, not even to clean or explore. She knew what the room was to him.

It was the room where his parents had been killed.

As she stood in front of the door, she hesitated only for a second before opening it. She was apprehensive of what she would find, but the pain and anguish radiating off of him pushed her forward.

The room was cold and dark, but it didn’t take her long to find his form standing to the right side of the room. She approached slowly, unsure how he would take her presence. The room was bare, just like the rest of the house in the beginning. There was nothing there, but he stared on as if he was looking at… _something_.

He stood still, and only continued to stare at the floor with pained, haunted eyes, as if seeing something no one else can. Though he stood quietly, the emotions coming from him were anything but calm. Shocked, panicked, angry, helpless…He was reliving the memory.

He had never truly grieved his parents, and he has nightmares about their deaths often… about _that_ night. It had been a while since his last nightmare…but he supposed it was inevitable, especially in this house… sleeping in _their_ room. How is it that it was always _this_ memory that keeps coming back?

The more he thought about it, it made sense. He knows that he has good memories of them, too…but it was like all of them have been… _subsumed_ into this one horrific nightmare. After all, he stared at their bodies for days before they found him. He hadn’t moved from his spot after waking up, and only sat against the wall, staring at them…their eyes, once so full of life, were empty and cold. Not long after, their eyes slowly turned cloudier, until they were opaque as their bodies started decaying. When they found him, he was emaciated and catatonic. He couldn’t remember anything, not even who he was.

He felt her presence behind him, though it did nothing to pull his mind away from their dead bodies in front of him. It was always the same vision…their bodies, the blood, their horrified faces… He wished he could dream of them when they were alive and happy…

“I miss them...” He whispered in the silence, a stark contrast to the tumultuous emotions radiating from him.

“It’s been years, and I barely remember anything about them…But I miss them so much…” he continued to speak, as if to himself. Though she knows that he knew she was there, she stayed silent, quietly listening as she slowly made her way closer to him.

“I can’t remember any other feeling except constantly missing them…” he continued, his voice reminiscent. “Even after I forgot everything…deep down I still felt how I lost them…how every night I’d look at the stars and wish I was...somewhere else… _home_.”

“And a part of me-” he paused abruptly, feelings of shame and guilt flooding within him. “A part of me _resents_ them…for always working on zoids instead of being with me…” he continued slowly.

“But I didn’t hate them…I knew they loved me…that they did their best…so I hated the zoids instead.” He frowned angrily, his hatred resurfacing. “If it weren’t for zoids…they would have been there for me…they would _still_ be here.” He said through gritted teeth. He was suddenly silent as a wave of fury threatened to overwhelm him. She wanted to reach out to him desperately, but she knew that he needed this. He needed to get through it.

“It was Ambient, wasn’t it…the one that killed them.” He said quietly, so softly that she barely heard him. “It was too dark to see his color…but I remember the eyes...” There was hatred seeping into his voice, an anger that was suppressed merely because his enemy was no longer there.

Reese didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to; she knew he was right. He turned to her, his eyes boring into her own.

“Tell me…” He started speaking again after a moment of silence. “Was _he_ here that night?”

Reese knew who he was talking about, but didn’t quite know how to respond without feeding his anger. “Raven…does it really-”

“Was. Hiltz. Here.” He cut her off abruptly, sensing her hesitation to give him a straight answer. It came out with more anger than he intended. She looked at him, and saw that there was no way to avoid the question. It was in his eyes. He was in pain. He was pleading.

“I just need to know what happened…” He whispered to her, his tone somewhat softer than before, not wanting to alienate her with his anger like he had done before. “Please…”

There was so much anger in his eyes, though he tried to control it for her sake. But more than that, she could _feel_ his pain, his tremendous loss. His anger was only trying to overwhelm his grief, trying to mask it. He wanted answers, whether they mattered anymore or not, so who was she to deny him that?

“Yes.” She finally replied, looking straight into his eyes. “Hiltz was here… He was Ambient’s master, and he came here to awaken him that night.” He turned away, fixing his haunted eyes back to the bodies. She saw his jaw muscles clench as he gritted his teeth, letting the confirmation of his suspicions sink in. “He gave Ambient the order…to kill your parents…” she continued hesitantly, watching him closely.

He clenched his eyes shut, and could only grit out one word in reply; “Why.” Her heart twisted for him.

“Your parents were zoid researchers working for the Republic. He knew that they would be able to trace Ambient’s energy signature. He didn’t want them and the Republican army to track his movements.” She continued to explain. “That’s how you were found…they went dark and so the closest unit was sent to investigate.”

Even though she wasn’t certain that it would help him, she knew that he deserved answers. He may get angrier, and he may direct it at her, but if it helps him find peace, she can take it.

His hands clenched into fists, shaking from the force of his grip. He could feel the scar on his hand was about to open again, the taut skin threatening to split and start bleeding just as it had many times before. She didn’t need to see him to know what he was going through. She didn’t even need to use her powers at all. It radiated off of him, seemingly displacing the very air in the room. And when he opened his eyes again, she saw it all; the grief, the loss, the guilt, the hatred…the _fury_. It pained her to see him like this, to watch him succumb into his past and into his pain. If she could take it away, she would. At least, she would try, no matter what it would cost her. So she gave in.

Acting on an impulse, driven by compassion so strong she didn’t know she was capable of, Reese closed the distance between them and slipped her arms around his shoulders. Though he didn't stop her, Raven went completely still as she pressed herself to him and rested her chin on his collarbone. She held him close.

"It will be all right," she promised softly. Her fingers twisted into his hair past the nape of his neck as she continued to stand there, resting against him.

Raven tensed; her closeness, her warmth, her scent…it all overlaid his inner turbulence, and though he felt overwhelmed, the thought of stopping her or moving away did not occur to him. For the first time in a long time, his mind was wiped completely blank. The feelings of revenge, that overwhelming impulse to destroy…all but evaporated from his mind. The only thing in his head at the moment was the vague notion that having one's hair tugged like that was not supposed to be a pleasant sensation…

As his thought processes gradually returned, he realized she was getting to him. Never had he experienced his anger recede that quickly. He doesn’t remember a time when his anger receded at all.

Slowly, he awkwardly returned her embrace, lightly curving his arms around her back. She was so warm and soft, and she held him so gently and firmly. He never knew he could feel so light and grounded at the same time. If she wasn’t here, holding him as she did now, he would lose himself to despair, and most likely resort to violence the more he simmered in his pain, just as he had done many times before…But now, he was slowly relaxing more and more into her embrace, breathing in her scent, letting her warmth seep into him and calm him.

It was unclear how long they stood in that tentative embrace. Eventually, Raven was the one to slowly pull back. Reese loosened her arms from around his neck just enough to face him, and immediately felt chilled in the places where their bodies had connected. Although he was the one to pull back first, he didn’t release his hold completely, keeping his hands on her waist, not wanting to let go of her just yet.

Reese looked up at his face, keeping her hands on his shoulders. She searched his eyes, which were looking deeply into her own again, and was happy to find that his anger was gone. He was instead looking at her with a quiet wonder, as if he had just discovered something and was trying to understand what it was. Beneath that, however, was a familiar look, the same look he had given her when they were under the kitchen entryway, a look that excited her and terrified her at the same time. She suddenly felt the need to snap him out of it, before anything else happened, but she didn’t want to disturb the relative peace he found.

“Come on…let’s go back.” She said quietly, giving his shoulder a gentle, encouraging squeeze before slowly letting him go. He only gave a slight nod but made no move to leave. It was like he was in a daze; emotionally exhausted, with the images of his nightmares and memories still fresh in his mind. So instead he kept his eyes on her, and focused on the feel of his hands that were still on her waist. He didn’t want to move, afraid that if he let her go, he would be overwhelmed again.

Seeing his slightly dazed state, she gently took his hand as she slowly turned towards the doorway, giving it a soft tug. His eyes found hers and he nodded again, and she guided him back to his room. The room was dim, with the moon shining through the window the only source of light. He let her hand go as she picked up the sheets from the floor, but still stayed close to her. When they reached his bed, she laid the sheets out and they both sat down. They sat quietly, staying close to each other.

He slumped forward as he leaned his arms on his knees and stared at his hands. He absently traced the scar, which was painful to the touch but the skin stayed intact. Like the agitated scar, he felt raw inside. Without the anger now, there was only pain. He misses them deeply, and there was a part of him that wished he had died with them that night. A dark part of him…the part of him that was the reason why he never allowed himself to carry a gun. _It would be so easy…_

Raven placed his head on his hands and clenched his eyes tightly shut, pressing his palms into them, trying to rid them of the images of his memories, to push the dark thoughts away. He couldn’t breathe. It was as if he was choking on the years of buried grief…for the parents that he had lost long ago…for the boy they had left behind…

And just when he thought he was fighting a losing battle, he felt soft arms envelope him again. For the second time that night, with her warmth and gentle embrace, she brought him back, as if she knew exactly where his thoughts had gone without reading his mind. He slowly lifted his face from his hands, his eyes hurting from pressing on them too hard. He leaned into her, letting her almost cradle his head into the nook of her neck. He wrapped his arms around her in return, clinging to her as his grief overwhelmed him. And with her arms holding him tight, he wept.


End file.
